Arsenal have been named named the club of the year in a new set of awards run by the Premier League and the VisitEngland tourism board for providing the best customer service to fans. That service was declared "simply outstanding" by the panel of experts judged clubs "across eight areas including ticketing, stewarding, catering, toilets and the club shop," according to the Press Association.
The following are just a few of Arsenal's wonderful amenities that wowed the judges...
-Arsene Wenger's frequent, mandatory trips to the stands, where he gives fans an up-close look at the frustrations of being a football manager and helpfully throws water bottles to/at them.
-A chauffeur service to and from Emirates Stadium provided by Andrei Arshavin for all female ticket holders (disclaimer: Arsenal Football Club do not approve of or agree with any of the giggling or sexist comments Andrei Arshavin makes while driving).
-An all you can eat buffet offered to all executive suite guests served on Gervinho's forehead.
-Per Mertesacker, the world's only human coatrack.
-The only Premier League club shop that stocks merchandise that is officially Dench.
-A serene matchday atmosphere guaranteed.
-Every toilet in the stadium regularly cleaned with Marouane Chamakh's head.
-Director of Dreaminess Mikel Arteta ensures that even ticket holders who aren't interested in the football are still engrossed in the match.
-Hilarious steward Sebastien Squillaci keeps supporters laughing as he insists that he is actually a player.