It's almost Christmas! ... I hope I was good enough this year. ... There were those two days that I didn't make my bed and that one time I forgot to brush my teeth after eating onions but I did make soup for old people every day to make up for it. ... I hope Santa gets me the Lego Power Boat Transporter set and the Lego Space Center set I asked for. ... It was mean of Dani Alves to say that he isn't real and that Pep actually delivers toys to all the children around the world in one night. ... I hope he still gets presents though. ... If Maradona gets stuck in my chimney again this year, I'm not giving him any of the soup I made...
I am Zlatan. ... I AM Zlatan. ... I am Zlatan. ... I am ZLATAN. ... I am Zlatan. ... Zlatan, I am. ... I am Zlatan. ... IamZlatan. ... Eye m Zlatan. ... I AM ZLATAN. ... .natalZ ma I ... I...am actually Ted Queefington...
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME
Time for the holiday disgraces. ... First, everyone is racist. That's a racist f***ing disgrace. ... Then, I got Andre Villas-Boas in our Secret Santa, so I bought him a chair because he squats all the time, but the next day he was still squatting instead of using it. That's a rude f***ing disgrace. ... Then, I unwrapped my Secret Santa gift and it was just a framed picture of Kalou's cat, Katou. That's an obvious f***ing disgrace. ... Then, Daniel Sturridge suggested we have a Catmas party for Daniel Purridge, Katou and Kitier Katba, but he wanted to host it and Kitier can't leave the house because he is morbidly obese. That's an inconsiderate f***ing disgrace. ... Then, there were those times those referees who probably dress as Santa and trick dyslexic kids into giving them presents cheated us out of the Champions League. That...that was a...