Team mascots are almost always strange abominations of nature that have the ability to elicit joy from a crowd while also stealing souls through the eyes of non-believers. So it's only fitting that the unveiling of a new mascot capture this odd concoction of menace and glee.
The NASL's San Antonio Scorpions, who you might remember as the club that recently bought a striker for free lodging and transportation, managed to pull this off at halftime of their home opener against Minnesota United. After teasing fans with a "mystery egg" featured in a slick advertising campaign that featured the photoshopped image of the club's president sitting atop a giant egg (below), the Scorpions delivered with a spectacle that is unlikely to be matched in this lifetime.
A camouflage humvee accompanied by military personnel was driven out onto the pitch with a large and unstable structure that looked vaguely like an egg (or maybe a spotted mountain?) loaded onto the back of it. Upon reaching the middle of the pitch, the vehicle stopped and the uniformed men and women struggled to unload the egg without it falling apart prematurely. Once that was (finally) done, they backed away slowly and the egg began to shake. The creature inside punched holes in it and then tossed off the top to reveal itself to the world for the first time.
The mutant scorpion (nevermind the fact that scorpions don't lay eggs) jumped out and danced a frenetic jig before pretending to play a guitar out of sync with the music. It then fulfilled the mascot's highest calling: throwing out free T-shirts. The whole thing was surreal and hilarious. Just watch the video above.
The scorpion's name is being left up to the fans, so feel free to make some suggestions.
(Thanks to Minnesota SoccerPhan for the tip!)
- - - - - - -
- San Antonio Scorpions