Jose Mourinho is advising everyone in football right now

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

Things aren't going so hot for Jose Mourinho at Real Madrid this season, but that doesn't mean his genius isn't still in high demand. In the last few days, Mourinho's influence has been reportedly felt in several places that are not Madrid. Here's a roundup.

Report: Roman Abramovich has been using Mourinho as an "unofficial consultant" via text messages and phone calls to pave the way for a return to Chelsea.
Source: The Daily Star (which has a slightly worse fact-check record than The Onion)
Sample advice: "Yeah, you should totally hire Rafa Benitez so I look even better if I come back. Also, make Torres cut his hair just to prove he can do something. :p"

Report: Wesley Sneijder called Mourinho and Louis van Gaal and they both told him to sign for Galatasaray. Which he then did.
Source: Wesley Sneijder
Sample advice: "You should sign for a club that doesn't have Rafa Benitez as manager. Like Galatasaray. Also, their fans always go nuts when someone arrives at the airport. That would give you the chance to know what it feels like to be me for a moment."

Report: Jose Mourinho got in touch with Southampton through a "third party" to tell them to hire Mauricio Pochettino as their new manager.
Source: Professional friend to everyone in Spanish football, Guillem Balague.
Sample advice: "You should hire someone who isn't Rafa Benitez. Like Mauricio Pochettino. Also, if you ask the man who delivered this message how he found you in the bathroom at this exact moment, he will kick you in the back. He will also kick you in the back if you don't ask him that."

Of course, more than one of these reports could be untrue and who knows how many instances of Mourinho advising others haven't been reported. But either way, Mourinho really should set up some kind of advice hotline.