Yahoo! has launched a new fantasy Premier League game and it's really quite nice. So we've created a league open to all Dirty Tackle readers. It's called the Dirty Tackle Fun Times league (password is "85185j0") and we encourage you to join us for a season of cut-throat imaginary competition. (UPDATE: The league filled up quick, but while we work on expanding the size and adding some prizes, get your team ready!)
To get the ball rolling, I've already teamed up with Dimitar Berbatov's cousin Timitar Berbatov to create the ultimate Premier League squad that will surely dominate the bottom of the table. Read it and feel the jealously consume you...
Goalkeeper: Artur Boruc — No Premier League keeper hates corn or loves caps lock more than him.
Defender: David Luiz — Smile.
Defender: Aleksandar Kolarov — The counterbalance for David Luiz's joy and zest for life.
Defender: Benoit Assou-Ekotto — Because he doesn't care.
Midfielder: Stewart Downing — Apparently the least owned player in Yahoo!'s fantasy Premier League game. Which means only I will benefit when he wins the Ballon d'Or.
Midfielder: Samir Nasri — Because this is the team he belongs on.
Midfielders: Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard — It's often said that they can't play together. So what better way to bring them together than by not actually bringing them together? That logic is flawless. Don't deny it.
Midfielder: Shinji Kagawa — No other Premier League footballer can talk to dogs and whales. A valuable skill in the fantasy game.
Forward: Dimitar Berbatov (captain) — The mayonnaise. Obviously.
Forward: Fernando Torres — After winning the Confederations Cup golden boot, he's certain to score five, maybe six goals this season.
Bench: Bebe — Never forget.
Bench: Ryan Bertrand — I wanted Nicklas Bendtner, but it wouldn't let me select another striker. So I went with someone who will score as many goals as him this season.
Bench: Phil Jones — For the gurns.
Bench: Brad Guzan — The most owned player in Yahoo!'s fantasy Premier League game. And pretty cheap at £4.18m for Aston Villa's Player of the Year.
So that's my team. Now go build yours. And for an added challenge, pretend you're Arsene Wenger and only buy players you can get for free.