Future News: Luis Suarez says Serbians taste better than the Dutch

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

Liverpool striker Luis Suarez has apologized to Chelsea defender Branislav Ivanovic for biting him on the arm during Sunday's match and now he has bizarrely tried to complement him by saying that Serbians taste better than the Dutch. Ivanovic, a Serbian international, is the second player Suarez has bitten during a match. In 2010, while Suarez was playing for Ajax, he bit Dutchman Otman Bakkal of PSV and earned a seven-match ban for it. He has decided to compare the experiences in an unexpected way.

"When I spoke to Ivanovic to apologize to him, I also told him that he should be proud because I now know that Serbians are more delicious than the Dutch," Suarez told reporters at Liverpool's Melwood training ground on Monday. "They both had salty flavors, but with Ivanovic there was a smoother aftertaste, almost a nutty quality, and I thought I tasted apricots. I asked him if it is customary in his country for soaps and body washes to contain herbs and spices, but he hung up before I could hear his answer. Bakkal tasted like a flesh sock."

Suarez has already been fined by Liverpool for his latest bite and The FA announced a charge of violent conduct for which the standard three-match ban "is clearly insufficient in these circumstances." But Suarez remains positive about the experience.

"When you go to a restaurant, you expect to receive a bill for what you eat, so I'm not worried about what comes now," Suarez continued, gnawing on his own hand. "After Bakkal, I wasn't sure if I would try it again. But my palate has matured and now I can appreciate the complex flavors and textures of different footballers. If my ban is long enough, I hope to write a guidebook so other footballers know who to bite, where to bite them, how much each bite will cost and which wines to pair with the bites. Hopefully it will introduce others to a new taste experience. A footballer flavor fiesta!"

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