A day after his shocking refusal to play in Manchester City's 2-0 Champions League loss to Bayern Munich, Carlos Tevez has come to admit that he has been fluent in English during his entire Premier League career.
The revelation came when a journalist confronted Tevez with the brief written statement from Manchester City announcing that he would be suspended for up to two weeks while the club investigates his conduct during Tuesday's match. Tevez appeared to read the statement, which was written in English, then angrily shouted, "This is bulls***! I mean -- I don't know what this says because I can't read English. And I don't know how I'm speaking English right now, either. This is so weird!"
When questioned on how he went from famously knowing no English at all to suddenly sounding fluent in the language, Tevez admitted his ruse.
"Look," he sighed. "This has all been a hoax. Before I came to England in 2006, I saw that film about Andy Kaufman -- Man on the Moon -- and decided to try something like his Tony Clifton character. Except, I would pretend to be a footballer who refuses to learn English and disrupts every club he joins, but also scores a lot of goals to always make him tempting. But, it appears I have slipped up and revealed my true self. My name is actually Gil Mendoza and I've been speaking English since I was eight."
Tevez/Mendoza then confessed that every part of his Premier League travels have been an elaborate prank. From his controversial agent Kia Joorabchian (real name Trevor Daniels) and the murky ownership situation that led to a court battle between West Ham and Sheffield United to his acrimonious move from Manchester United to Man City and now his transfer demands and refusal to play for his current club, it has all been a hoax.
"To be honest, I can't believe people bought into it as much as they did," said Mendoza. "I thought for sure people would realize that the Carlos Tevez character is too ridiculous and illogical to be real. Well, until I met Mario Balotelli."