Future News: Arsene Wenger demands to be called ‘Lord of the Transfer’ from now on

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger brought an end to years of ridicule for not spending the club's sizable cash reserves with the £42 million deadline-day signing of Mesut Ozil and now he would like to be called "The Lord of the Transfer." Ozil's transfer fee was the second largest ever paid by a Premier League club. His acquisition sparked excitement and renewed belief within the club's previously angry and increasingly desperate fanbase. And now Wenger believes his title should reflect what is being widely praised as the best signing of the summer transfer window.

Wenger told reporters: "A day after beating Spurs and their £100 million worth of new signings with what the critics saw as an inferior squad, I went behind their back to sign Mesut freaking Ozil from a club with whom they have a 'partnership agreement' just before the close of the window. Even Manchester United could not execute a Jedi move like that. For this reason, everyone must now refer to me as The Lord of the Transfer. Including my wife."

Prior to the Ozil acquisition and the signing of goalkeeper Emiliano Viviano on loan from Palermo, Arsenal had only brought in two free transfers all summer while shedding underperforming players from transfer windows past. But as Wenger explained, his masterplan required other dominoes to fall into place.

"I sold Gervinho to Roma, who then sold Erik Lamela to Spurs, who then sold Gareth Bale to Real Madrid, when then sold Mesut Ozil to me," Wenger boasted, while wearing what appeared to be a homemade crown. "I turned Gervinho into Mesut Ozil. Someone call the Pope, because that's a miracle. And Lord of the Transfer Arsene Wenger did it."

When asked why Arsenal did not address their needs for defensive cover and another striker, especially now that Lukas Podolski is out for three months with a torn hamstring, Wenger informed reporters that Ozil shirts can now be purchased at the club's official store.

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