UEFA and the FIGC have bestowed Juventus midfielder Andrea Pirlo with special permission to play in formal wear instead of the standard football kits the rest of his teammates wear. As a result, the Italian international will play all matches in Serie A and European competitions in a suit and tie.
"For a player like Andrea Pirlo to wear a normal kit seems undignified," said UEFA president Michel Platini. "Pirlo is of a class all to his own. And so it's only right that his attire match that class when he plays. When he has the ball, the television broadcast will switch to black and white and classical music will play in the stadium to provide the proper atmosphere for his bearded grace and elegance."
Pirlo will play in suits made by Juventus' formal wear maker Trussardi featuring the club badge on the front of the jacket and his name and number on the back. His shinpads will be sewn into his pants.
When asked how he feels about the change, Pirlo leaned back in his chair, crossed his legs and maintained a relaxed, heavy-eyed stare while sipping an espresso until every reporter in the room felt inferior and left.
It remains unclear if this special permission will be extended to this summer's World Cup in Brazil. There are fears that having a man play in the Brazilian heat while wearing a suit and tie could present health concerns, but doctors believe that Pirlo's beard acts as a natural cooling device that actually makes everyone else around him sweat even more.
"This is not Andrea getting special treatment," said Juventus manager Antonio Conte. "This is just the way it should be. Can you imagine how awesome it will be to see a guy in a suit and tie curling in free kicks at will? I'm just sad this wasn't decided sooner."
This has been Future News: news from the future.
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