Barcelona are closing in on a deal that will send midfielder Cesc Fabregas to Coupe de France winners Bordeaux. The move is a result of new testing from Dr. Xavi, Barcelona's leading scientist in the field of why Jose Mourinho is terrible, that proves that Fabregas never had Barcelona DNA as previously thought when he joined Barca from Arsenal in 2011.
"Upon hearing the fans jeer Cesc Fabregas this season, I decided to order a new round of testing on his DNA," said Dr. Xavi on the condition of anonymity. "And the findings were incredible. He actually has 100 percent Bordeaux DNA. So in accordance with UEFA's nonexistent club DNA bylaws, Cesc will be sold to the French club immediately. I have no idea how this mix-up occurred, but it had to be Jose Mourinho's fault somehow because he is terrible and both I and Barcelona are perfect. Be sure you write that."
Arsenal retained the right to first refusal after selling Fabregas to Barcelona, but manager Arsene Wenger said the club will refuse the chance to take him back because, "This is what you get, Cesc. This is what you get for leaving me." He then laughed maniacally until it caused him to go into a coughing fit.
When asked for comment, a Bordeaux spokesman said, "We have no idea what any of this is about, but yeah, we'll take Cesc Fabregas. Why not?"
This has been a Fake Transfer Rumor.