Everything you need to know about Stephan El Shaarawy, Milan’s great, ridiculous-haired hope

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

On his 20th birthday, Stephan El Shaarawy scored his sixth goal of the season for Milan to beat former club Genoa 1-0. He leads his suddenly budget-conscious club in scoring by a significant margin and, again, he only just turned 20 years old. So who is Stephan El Shaarawy? Here is all the information we assume to be true about him.

-He was born in Savona, Italy. His father is Egyptian, his mother is Italian and his dance moves are from Toledo, Ohio. He has never used them, but takes comfort in knowing that he can.

-His nickname is "Il Faraone" (The Pharaoh). His other, more sinister, nickname is Gnome Hat.

-His hair is styled by a ice sculptor whose two favorite things are the early '90s and porcupines. Stephan saves all the hair shaved off the sides just in case he suffers from male pattern baldness later in life.

-While on loan at Padova for the 2010-11 season, he scored nine goals and won the Serie B Best Player of the Year award. He was proud of this, but also kind of embarrassed to be the 18-year-old kid who comes in, plays a season and beats out all the veteran players to the award while instantly making his team better and then leaving for Milan. To ensure there were no hard feelings, he sent everyone in the league a basket filled with puppies of various breeds.

-He doesn't get why pizza is such a big deal, but if you make it for him he will eat it just to be polite. Later, he will go to restaurant and have a small meal of his choosing just to cleanse his pallet.

-Following the death of footballer Piermario Morosini during a Serie B match, El Shaarawy donated a defibrillator to his youth club, Legino Calcio 1919.

-His first goal in the Champions League came on October 3 against Zenit, making him Milan's youngest ever scorer in the competition. But Pippo Inzaghi will return to the team at the age of 67 to ensure that El Shaarawy or anyone else can ever top him as the oldest ever scorer for Milan in the Champions League.

-His first of two caps for Italy's senior team came in an August friendly against England. Over the course of his time with the national team at the youth and senior levels, he has agreed to form a part-time superhero duo with Mario Balotelli. They will begin as soon as they can decide on what their costumes will be. So far astronaut suits with giant crab claws are in the lead.

-Though Rino Gattuso has beaten him up over his shaved eyebrows and Antonio Cassano threatened to cut off his hair, El Shaarawy keeps it because "the girls really like it." But he has been warned by local police that if he ever headbutts someone like Zidane did to Marco Materazzi, he will be tried for attempted murder with a deadly weapon.

-More important than all else, he has survived Zlatan. He studied the Swede's habits and discovered how to avoid his growls and violent tricks. Very few people have been able to do this, especially at such a young age. If football doesn't work out, El Shaarawy can always be a lion tamer.

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