England beat Slovenia because of beer

Richard Whittall

It all makes sense now. John Terry's little tantrum. News of discontent within the England camp. A psychotically bored, publicly urinating Wayne Rooney. Was it a lack of managerial leadership? A crisis in confidence among the players? Italian manager Fabio Capello, being the genius he is, knew the answer all along.


As the Guardian reports, the carbonated alcoholic beverage (not the all-red kit as was previously reported) was key in England's much-improved performance in their 1-0 defeat of Slovenia:

Capello, whose discipline had been questioned in the last two weeks, said: "Yesterday evening they drank beer before the game. And I saw the team play with the spirit that we lost in the games we played before this game. The performance was really good and we created a lot of chances to score a second goal."

Take that, modern physiology. This is, after all, England we're talking about. Other countries can have their electrolytes and their complex carbohydrates and their non-diuretic beverages essential for good metabolic function. England just needs some hops, some yeast and a whole lot of warm to semi-convincingly beat teams like Slovenia.

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