I really hope you haven't prepared an elaborate meal to be enjoyed right after indulging in this post because you're not going to want it anymore.
River Plate midfielder Leo Ponzio ruptured a hemorrhoid during his side's win over Boca Unidos on Sunday (dry heave break). Ponzio still played the full match (presumably after changing his shorts) despite bleeding from his anus. After the match, Ponzio told Ole (via Terra):
"It was weird what happened to me, because I had spent a week in which I had eaten well. In the meantime I had been fine, but after a move that threw me to the ground I opened myself more than usual and I started to feel the blood. I felt that something had broken."
And now there's vomit inside your keyboard (sorry). Ponzio had a good sense of humor about the incident, though, joking that Boca Juniors fans would enjoy the image. But no matter how strong a rivalry is, I don't think anyone wants to look at/think about what happened there.
This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicling of unfortunate events.