Chelsea held an open training session at Stamford Bridge on Monday, but suffered a scare when John Terry had to be helped off the pitch by first team doctor Eva Carneiro with a pinched Achilles (he was later ruled to be OK and will play against Spurs on Thursday). The following is a transcript of their conversation.
Terry: Ah, my Achilles. I think -- yeah, I think I'm definitely going to need a groin massage.
Carneiro: No. We'll treat your Achilles. You don't need a groin massage.
Terry: I know you're the expert, but I really think I do. I saw a video on the Internet about how groin massages are the best thing for lower leg injuries.
Carneiro: Last time you said the video suggested groin massages for shoulder injuries.
Terry: That was a different video.
Carneiro: No. Nope. It's not necessary.
Terry: But it hurts so bad! It would definitely help.
Carneiro: Why do footballers always think groin massages are the best treatment for everything? Broken ribs? Groin massage. Acid reflux? Groin massage. Stubbed toe? Groin massage. I'm going to have to show you all better treatment techniques.
Terry: Uh...OK. Yes -- yes please do!
Carneiro: On second thought, a groin massage could actually be a beneficial method of treatment for your Achilles.
Terry: Yes! I mean -- yeah. You're probably right.
Carneiro: Alright. We'll give it a try. By the way, have you met the new masseuse we hired? His name is Vlad...
Terry: Oh. Oh wow. My leg feels better now. That's amazing! I'm definitely fine now. I don't need any groin treatment at all, actually.
Putin: You're welcome.