Though Man City have yet to sell Carlos Tevez, they have already "replaced" him with fellow Argentine Kun Aguero. The following is a transcript of the conversation between the two that convinced Aguero to sign with the FA Cup winners.
Aguero: So I'm thinking of joining Manchester City, Carlitos. I never read football news, so I'm assuming you absolutely love it there. What can you tell me?
Tevez: You have no idea what you're in for...
Aguero: Ooo that sounds exciting! Specifically, though. What can I look forward to?
Tevez: Seriously, you have no idea. The weather is awful.
Aguero: Yeah? I like bad weather. Sunshine every day is boring haha.
Tevez: I'm not kidding. The houses are expensive, too. They cost six or seven million pounds!
Aguero: Wow! That must be the most beautiful city in the world with so many lavish homes. It's a good thing we're footballers and can afford to live in places that nice!
Tevez: No, you're not getting it. This place has nothing. Nothing.
Aguero: That's great -- I don't like things. I don't like them at all. I mean, what's with spatulas? Why do they exist? We don't need them.
Tevez: Listen to me! I would never come here on holiday! I have no new friends! It's another world!
Aguero: Another world? Yes! I always wanted to be an astronaut! Do I get to fly in a rocket ship to get there? Maybe together we can make friends with the aliens!
Tevez: Whatever. Do what you want. I'm leaving. I can't take it anymore.
Aguero: Leaving? Why? Do they not pay the massive wages they promise on time?
Tevez: No, they do.
Aguero: Then you have no reason to leave. This place sounds perfect!
Messi: Hahahahaha I just built the world's smallest Lego violin for Carlitos.