DT Exclusive: Carlos Tevez sells Kun Aguero on Man City

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

Though Man City have yet to sell Carlos Tevez, they have already "replaced" him with fellow Argentine Kun Aguero. The following is a transcript of the conversation between the two that convinced Aguero to sign with the FA Cup winners.

Aguero: So I'm thinking of joining Manchester City, Carlitos. I never read football news, so I'm assuming you absolutely love it there. What can you tell me?

Tevez: You have no idea what you're in for...

Aguero: Ooo that sounds exciting! Specifically, though. What can I look forward to?

{ysp:more}

Tevez: Seriously, you have no idea. The weather is awful.

Aguero: Yeah? I like bad weather. Sunshine every day is boring haha.

Tevez: I'm not kidding. The houses are expensive, too. They cost six or seven million pounds!

Aguero: Wow! That must be the most beautiful city in the world with so many lavish homes. It's a good thing we're footballers and can afford to live in places that nice!

Tevez: No, you're not getting it. This place has nothing. Nothing.

Aguero: That's great -- I don't like things. I don't like them at all. I mean, what's with spatulas? Why do they exist? We don't need them.

Tevez: Listen to me! I would never come here on holiday! I have no new friends! It's another world!

Aguero: Another world? Yes! I always wanted to be an astronaut! Do I get to fly in a rocket ship to get there? Maybe together we can make friends with the aliens!

Tevez: Whatever. Do what you want. I'm leaving. I can't take it anymore.

Aguero: Leaving? Why? Do they not pay the massive wages they promise on time?

Tevez: No, they do.

Aguero: Then you have no reason to leave. This place sounds perfect!

[Tevez shrugs]

Messi: Hahahahaha I just built the world's smallest Lego violin for Carlitos.

Photo: Reuters

What to Read Next