DT Exclusive: Ask Kaka

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

With David Beckham deciding to move on from MLS, the LA Galaxy have publicly targeted Kaka to be the international star who replaces him in the squad. The club's president has even said that the reason they want Kaka is because the club just signed a deal with a Spanish-language TV deal and they want a Latin American player who has a "special relationship" with that community. As all this goes on around him, Kaka was kind enough to once again visit a group of local children in Madrid to answer their questions. The following is a transcript of that session.

Kaka: Hello, wonderful children! Thank you so much for having me as your guest today. I am very excited to answer all of your lovely questions, so please, let's get started.

Ana: Hi, Kaka. I'm Ana and I'm seven and a half. Do you like babies?

Kaka: Yes, I like babies very much, Ana. I have a baby daughter and a son who used to be a baby and I do a lot of charity work to help babies all over the world. Thank you for your question. Who has the next one?

Daniel: Hi, Kaka. I'm Daniel and I like chicken. Do you even still play for Real Madrid?

Kaka: I do, Daniel. In fact, I scored a goal in our most recent game against Ajax in the Champions League.

Daniel: I thought that was Guti.

Kaka: No Daniel, Guti actually doesn't play for Real Madrid anymore. He retired. But he did score some wonderful goals for the club when he used to play. Thank you, Daniel. Who has another question?

Ivan: Hi, Kaka. I'm Ivan and I'm eight. Since you're replacing David Beckham in the United States, does that mean you have to divorce your wife and marry Posh Spice? I don't think his kids will love you as much as their real dad.

Kaka: Heh, oh, no no Ivan. I would never replace him in his family, but they do want me to play for his old team. I would, however, like to stay here and play for Real Madrid a bit longer if I can. So...

Daniel: You don't play for Real Madrid, that's Guti.

Kaka: No, Daniel. As I said before, I do play for Real Madrid. I haven't been on the pitch as much as I would like this season, but I am still a part of the team. Also, Guti and I don't even have the same hair color.

Paula: Hi, Kaka. My name is Paula and I have snails. Why are you afraid of playing in America? Do you think OJ Simpson will get you?

Kaka: What? Uh, no, how do -- how do you even know who that is? No, I'm not afraid of OJ Simpson, Paula. I just feel I have more to do here in Spain before I leave. That's all.

Adrian: Hi, Kaka. I'm Adrian and I've been to jail twice. David Beckham was 32 when he left Real for the USA and you're just 30. Does that make you feel like a failure?

Kaka: I don't think that would make me a failure at all, Adrian. My time in Madrid hasn't been what I would've hoped, but I still believe that I can achieve everything I set out to. Also, MLS is a very good league. I, uh, I just don't know why you're all assuming that I'm going to Los Angeles.

Pablo: Hi, Kaka. I'm Pablo and you're my favorite player. My grandmother says they make a lot of porno in Los Angeles. Is that why you're going there?

Kaka: Oh my -- no. No, Pablo. Pornography is very sinful and you should always try to avoid it. Your grandmother, uh, shouldn't be talking about that. Like I said before children, I don't know if I'm going to Los Angeles, but if I did it wouldn't be for that at all. Now, uh, does any -- does anyone have a question about my training or what we eat before a match?

Jorge: Hi, Kaka. My name is Jorge and I have a question.

Kaka: Excellent, Jorge! What is your question?

Jorge: Are you going to help Cristiano Ronaldo murder Lionel Messi and erase all traces of his existence so he can have a chance to win the Ballon d'Or? And if so, will you use a cheese grater?

Kaka: Jorge, that's horrible! Oh wow. Wow, Cristiano and I would never ever do that. A cheese grater? I -- I don't even know how that would work. But no, I believe Cristiano has a very good chance of winning the award and we don't have to kill Lionel Messi and erase all traces of his existence for any reason at all. I think -- I think we should probably stop after one more question, kids. Does someone have a nice one to end with?

Daniel: I hate you fake Guti. I hate you so much.

Kaka: Jesus.

What to Read Next