A day at the Aston Villa-Sunderland match with Prince William

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

Noted Aston Villa fan and third-choice monarch Prince William attended his favorite side's match against Sunderland last weekend along with friend and godfather to Prince George, William van Cutsem. DT has obtained exclusive access to his thoughts during the match. We present them to you below...

Yes! Football! This is so much better than watching a butler clean up baby vomit.

Hmm Brad Guzan is brilliant in goal, but Jed Steer would totally be my porn name. Either that or Prince Bangmaster.

Yes, Other William, I see the woman over there and no, I don't think she's Beyonce. You always think Beyonce is everywhere.

If someone doesn't score soon, I'm going to have all the players beheaded. I'm pretty sure I can do that.

So I like to drink beer through a straw. Why does everyone tell me that I shouldn't do that in public? It's not that weird. When I am king, I will make it illegal to drink beer without a straw and everyone will be like, "Thank you, King Bangmaster, I always wanted to drink beer through a straw and now that it's a law, no one can laugh at me. You are the best and we want you to be king of the whole world forever."

OK, maybe that is Beyonce.

OOOOOO panty dances! That was close!

OOOOO things keep almost happening! This is almost madness! WTF are you putting in your mouth, kid? Also, you smell like an Italian. Why is that?

Ten more seconds and then I'm going to tell Other William that he's breathing way too loud.

That's the final whistle. And it's 0-0. I'm going to ask about my powers to behead and then I'm going to drink a beer through a straw in the comfort of my own palace. And Pippa better not be there putting flowers in jars or some other lunacy from that book of hers.

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Brooks Peck is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter!

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