In response to Fulham's Sascha Riether stamping on Adnan Januzaj's leg during Man United's 3-1 win on Saturday, David Moyes has called for referees to better protect the 18-year-old being hailed as this month's next great thing.
“I do think Adnan is going to need a little bit of protection or we are going to find he is getting kicked up and down,” Moyes said. “I do think he deserves a little bit more than he is getting at this time." And shortly after Moyes made these statements, it was announced that The FA had charged Riether with violent conduct after reviewing the incident under new rules that convened a three-man panel capable of taking retrospective action even though the referee didn't see it.
Instead of simply asserting that all players need protection from such ugly attacks, Moyes singled out Januzaj. But don't go thinking Januzaj is the only player he's putting on that pedestal. Here's David Moyes' complete list of Man United players in need of added protection...
David De Gea — Only when he's eating donuts before paying for them.
Fabio and Rafael — Can I get protection from them? I've been getting a "The Shining" vibe off them since day one.
Phil Jones — Facial expressions aside, if anything, he needs less protection. Seriously. He's injured Wayne Rooney in training like three different times now. He's going to accidentally decapitate someone and then break his neck muscles from gurning so hard in reaction to it.
Nemanja Vidic — Can death machines get computer viruses? If so, he might need some protection from that, but that's probably more a job for the IT guy than the referees.
Rio Ferdinand — Definitely needs protection from forgetfulness and getting crushed by an avalanche of No. 5 branded merchandise.
Marouane Fellaini — Yes. His hair is an international treasure.
Ryan Giggs — Yes, because anyone who carries on a long-term affair with his brother's wife is in need of 24-hour protection forever.
Shinji Kagawa — Who?
Nani — No.
Chicharito — Meh.
Anderson — The only protection he needs is from his hands constantly jamming food in his mouth.
Wayne Rooney — Only until he requests another transfer.
Robin van Persie — Only if he's nice to me.
Ashley Young — Look, if you've got to stomp on someone...
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