If it continued… (Real Madrid v Barcelona)

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

Barcelona came back from a Victor Valdes gaffe that led to a Karim Benzema goal within the first 30 seconds of their latest visit to the Santiago Bernabeu to beat Real Madrid 3-1 and reclaim the top of the table from their rivals on goal difference. Though the match ended up in a familiar result, we still must ask: "What if it continued?"

97' --Xavi scores again, still goes under-appreciated.

101' -- Alexis Sanchez falls down a flight of stairs even though he's sitting down and nowhere near a flight of stairs.

109' -- Angel Di Maria falls into a piranha tank, screams, gets out 48 seconds later.

114' -- Jealous of all the attention-grabbing falls from Di Maria, Sanchez, Pepe, Dani Alves and everyone else, Sergio Busquets tries to trump them with the most epic dive of all, but his legs simply will not let him fall down. Still standing, he clutches his face out of confusion to comfort himself.

120' -- Robin van Persie scores.

125' -- The real Cristiano Ronaldo runs onto the pitch wearing street clothes and shocks everyone by pointing out that the man who has been playing (poorly) in his place is his inept twin brother Barry Ronaldo. Embarrassed by the reveal, Barry says he'll go and that he'll be back for Euro 2012, if not sooner.

132' -- Lionel Messi does his impression of the way he sees every other footballer...

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136' -- Kaka apologizes to Mesut Ozil, again, for replacing him in the 58th minute. He tells Ozil that he's sure he'll play better next time.

138' -- Victor Valdes watches Iker Casillas, quietly whispers "Wow, thank God I don't have that guy's job." He then goes back to reading his goalkeeping instructional book that is really just a collection of old Peanuts comic strips.

145' -- Instead of freaking out or poking someone in the eye or enlisting Mario Balotelli to blow everyone up and open up a hot dog stand with him in Shanghai, Jose Mourinho quietly recedes into the shadows as an overpowering fury seeps out of his every orifice. "I wanted my moment to come at the Camp Nou anyway," he grumbles. "Yes...yes..."

150' -- All the players on both teams fall down at the same time, causing the world's dwindling population of panda bears to all die at once. The players get back up, but the pandas, sadly, do not.

Photos: AP, Getty, Reuters

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