Manchester United manager David Moyes faced his old club on Wednesday and it did not go well for him. Everton won 1-0 and their fans booed the man who led them for 11 years and chanted "David Moyes is full of s***." And they did this at Old Trafford. Man United are now 12-points adrift of first-place Arsenal and Roberto Martinez's Everton remain the only team in the Premier League with just one loss. But what if the match continued?
97' — Sir Alex Ferguson angrily chomps gum that isn't in his mouth and considers disbanding Man United to prevent Moyes from sullying their image any further.
101' — Ryan Giggs continues to have more talent in one of his gray hairs than Tom Cleverley does in his whole disappointing body.
108' — Ashley Young dives off the bench in a misguided attempt to win a much needed penalty. Anders Lindegaard uses him as a footrest.
112' — Bryan Oviedo sits on Sylvain Distin's shoulders to form EVERTRON. Oviedo carries a bottle of water because EVERTRON dehydrates very easily.
115' — Romelu Lukaku scores just to annoy Jose Mourinho.
120' — Gareth Barry continues to exist as a professional football in the most boring way possible.
123' — Tim Howard's beard makes the top of Wayne Rooney's head feel shame and regret.
126' — Moyes does a half-hearted Fonzie impression to try and inspire confidence in his team. It does not work. Because none of them have any idea who Fonzie is.
131' — After having his standards severely lowered by this match, Wayne Rooney demands a transfer to the amateur Over 35s team Paul Scholes played for the other day. He will still demand to be paid £250,000 a week, though.
136' — Man United chief executive Ed Woodward responds to a spam email with an offer for Lionel Messi.
139' — Marouane Fellaini improves his match rating by momentarily choking on his own saliva while wondering if you can annul transfers like marriages.
144' — The match is abandoned when the distant, self-satisfied laughter of Arsene Wenger becomes dangerously loud.
145' — Moyes asks Martinez if he can have a job as his assistant at Everton if/when Man United sack him. Martinez pretends to be asleep while standing up until Moyes finally walks away.
- - - - - - -