British tabloids blame Canada for lovelorn Green

Richard Whittall

Elizabeth Minett awkwardly shows us around London

It wouldn't be a World Cup without an on-going British tabloid sideshow, and Canada can be "proud" that one of its own is now front row center.

Stretching the law of causation to a convenient sensationalist breaking point, British "newspapers" the Mirror and the Daily Mail broke the story of how Rob Green's infamous fumble in England's 1-1 draw with the USA on Saturday could be related to his recent-ish break up with Toronto model and granddaughter of Manhattan Project scientist Ernest Everet Minett, "bombshell" Elizabeth Minett.

The two met in Toronto after the 2008 MLS All-Star game at BMO Field, and luckily for Green, who let in 3 goals during West Ham's loss to MLS, Minett "just remembered his British accent," and "did not know who he was." Minett eventually followed Green to London, where they lived together on the made-up-sounding Isle of Dogs until she recently moved out.

[Photos: More wives and girlfriends of soccer stars]

Though the split reportedly happened well before Saturday's match, and Rob Green is an experienced starting goalkeeper for a Premier League club who, outside of that one mistake, seemed basically fine the rest of the game, the University of Waterloo economics grad Minett is clearly the reason the England number one didn't manage to get his body in front of the ball before accidentally bobbling it into the net, forever destroying England's chances at this World Cup.

How do we know? Well, for one, she's not just gorgeous. She is, according to a friend, "dramatic gorgeous." Which is a completely different type of gorgeous. Two, in her own words she can speak both "French or French-Canadian," so she can order poutine for Parisian tourists lost in Quebec, which is hot. Three, she was in a Hilary Duff video once and stuff.

Case. Closed.

[Photos: See more of English goalie Rob Green]

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