Trending Topics is a new column that looks at the week in hockey according to Twitter. If you don't know about Twitter, get with the times old man.
Hoo boy, quite the firestorm on Twitter this week.
Lance Armstrong, the world's preeminent cyclist if this was still 2003, is awful steamed at Versus.
For those that don't want to click on that link, basically what happened was Versus was showing some stupid bike race or another that no one has ever heard of and even fewer care about. But then it was time for the pregame to Game 2 between the Montreal Canadiens and Philadelphia Flyers. So Versus cut away.
Armstrong was enraged and immediately went on the Internet to vent his frustration. Said the Kessel-like cyclist: "Who's the dumbass @versustv that cut off @AmgenTourofCali coverage w/ a mile to go for pregame hockey?? #pathetic"
Whoa, hey, take it easy with the pooptalk there buddy. I get why you're upset. The whole horse race debacle. We all remember.
But for real, that was postseason hockey. And that was being preempted by, I dunno, one of the three horse races people had heard of. And yeah, if Versus had cut off the live feed of the Tour de France, maybe you'd have a point. But y'know what most people think a Tour of California is? A trip down the PCH with a roadmap and a cooler full of sandwiches.
Honestly, no one cares about cycling. And my favorite two sports are hockey and soccer, so I'm a bit of an authority on sports no one cares about. When I heard that thing about Floyd Landis admitting to doping, I honestly thought he was a former boxer for a couple minutes before I remembered he did something most of us gave up when we got a driver's license.
But this story is actually very good news for hockey fans. Yes indeed. People are now getting upset when hockey preempts their favorite sport, or, more accurately, someone finally considers it a good idea to preempt anything with hockey!
Yes, it's time to celebrate. Hockey is more popular than something. All those years of tired "hoc-key" jokes gone forever! Something, finally, has supplanted our favorite sport as the least relevant to the average sports fan. This is truly a great day for us all.
In your face, cy-cling.
Last week brought us one of the weirder YouTube videos featuring hockey players with Georges Laraque kinda sorta pretending to beat up various people in the name of who knows what.
In the last two days, the TSN twitterati have been ushing video of an informal fight between Laraque and UFC champion Georges St-Pierre. Apparently it goes three rounds and, according to @DarrenDreger, a new career could be on the horizon for Laraque.
Now, I've seen GSP fight more than a couple times. I also know he's 5-foot-10 and 170 pounds. So Laraque may have five inches and literally 100 pounds on him, but he also has no MMA training prior to, maybe, the last few months. Are we really supposed to believe this fight lasted more than eight seconds? Was it contested on skates?
Maybe GSP didn't want to embarrass him for fear of being called classless and insensitive to the Haitian earthquake, but any UFC champion would have had Laraque in an oma plata faster than you could say "buyout."
Hey remember when some moron from Philly did a bunch of damage to a car from Montreal that just happened to belong to the Montreal Gazette's Pat Hickey? Yeah, they think they caught him.
Because he posted pictures of the license plate on Facebook. Really. But then he said the plate was actually stolen by his friend, on whom he will happily roll over. This doesn't sound anything like a bad 1950s gangster movie. "Nah see, it wasn't me, it was my friend, yeah, that's the ticket. I'll getcha the plate, sure I will!"
We all knew Philly fans were clods before, but now we know they're also rats. Hey Danny, take your pinch like a man next time.
Here's something that was posted on @SportsByBrooks this week and it is the new best thing.
Now if you're like me, you immediately went and looked up more videos of Charles Clinton. This was the best one:
Look at the 1,000-yard stare on this kid while everyone else is talking. Listen to the band playing so loud that you can't hear what's being said. It's fantastic. If only there was some dynamite around.
If you've got something for Trending Topics, holla at Lambert on Twitter or via email. He'll even credit you so you get a thousand followers in one day and you'll become the most popular person on the Internet! You can also visit his blog if you're so inclined.