Trending Topics is a new column that looks at the week in hockey according to Twitter. If you're only going to comment to say how stupid Twitter is, why not just go have a good cry for the slow, sad death of your dear Internet instead?
Earlier this week, the inevitable happened about a month before it probably should have.
The very first tweet popped up saying, "#vote4biznasty," and we were off and running. Hundreds soon followed, all talking about how hysterical it would be if everyone's favorite meathead, Phoenix Coyotes brawler Paul Bissonnette(notes), somehow got voted into the NHL All-Star Game.
Ever since that whole "Vote for Rory" phenomenon a few years back, it seems like there's been a campaign to get some, shall we say, less-skilled player into the all-star game, usually as a goof. Hahaha, everyone says. Boy wouldn't it be funny if so-and-so who sucks got voted into the All-Star Game?
But the answer is "not any more."
It was all well and good for Rory Fitzpatrick(notes) to almost get voted in but then not make it because of what appears to be shady dealings by the league. A good time had by all. But can we please just stop all this nonsense of voting people into a game?
While you may think it'd be hilarious for good ol' Paul Bissonnette to get a start in an All-Star Game, no one actually wants that to happen. The League doesn't, the coaches don't, the other players don't, the player you'd be voting in doesn't, and you don't. Not really anyway.
We've all known for years that the voting system was flawed. If nothing else, the Vote for Rory stuff showed just how bad it was. That Montreal game featuring several Habs second-liners pretty well proved it too. We don't need the constant reminders.
We know there are always going to be voting blocs made up of all kinds of idiots. People that vote for nothing but the starting lineup for their favorite team. People that vote for guys who are perennial all-stars but haven't earned it in the last few years. And now we have people who vote for the worst possible candidates because they think it'll be funny.
So let's say Bissonnette, somehow, rides the #voteforbiznasty train all the way to Raleigh and, against all reason, starts the game. He's a left wing, so he'll be taking Daniel Sedin's(notes) spot in the lineup. And then what? How much ice time do you think he sees? It wouldn't be surprising if that first shift was his last. Whoever the coach is, he's not going to run BizNasty out there for more than a minute on the ice when he's keeping someone else, who actually deserves to be there, off it.
For his part, Bissonnette says he's not interested in playing in the All-Star Game, as if that matters. He's still pumping the movement by re-tweeting various messages with the hashtag, and that's just going to give his 18,000-some odd followers more encouragement to keep voting once the ballots finally open.
The All-Star Game, in any sport really, is inherently stupid. The best players in the world get together to play one game in front of a crowd of corporate invitees who don't care to play a game of unwatchable pick-up that more closely resembles an overpriced backyard tilt without the passion one normally finds.
And then on top of that, people want to make a big funny joke out of it. That'll make things much better. At least we'll all be having a hearty laugh, though, right?
With Halloween right around the corner, a post here on PD offered up a few potential costume ideas for the discerning hockey fan earlier this week. Twitter users had some others.
@mforbes37: "The JFJ: put on a suit, slick back your hair and, instead of candy, give each kid that comes to your door a no-movement clause"
@msconduct: "Coyotes Fan: dress up as a chair & carry a bottle of Vodka."
@heatonrob: "Eric Brewer: Walk around with a bottle of Captain all night, fail to make it happen."
No one is trading for Keith Yandle
The other day there was a big to-do, both here and in other places around the Internet, as well as on Twitter, that the Bruins were up against the cap for when Marco Sturm(notes) and Marc Savard(notes) return to the lineup, and they were attempting to wrangle some trades accordingly.
A couple Boston Bruins writers mentioned that the team liked what it saw out of Keith Yandle, who's a local boy and a sturdy young offensive defenseman. The problem is that so are 28 other teams, and that Don Maloney wouldn't trade the future All-Star with a gun to his head.
He certainly didn't want to trade Yandle for unwanted or bloated Boston contracts like Blake Wheeler's(notes) or, even more hysterically, Mike Ryder's. Even if the Coyotes were flush with cap space. Which they aren't, though that's not how it was portrayed in the Boston media.
And yet that was the rumor until someone had to actually ask high-ranking team officials about it. Obviously, it was shot down. Quickly.
But it shows how a trade rumor can go from idle, harmless speculation to something that needs to be inquired about with the sport's highest executives in an hour or so.
Pearls of Biz-dom
We all know that there isn't a better Twitter account out there than that of Paul Bissonnette. So why not find his best bit of advice on love, life and lappers from the last week?
BizNasty on knowing your place in life:
"I'd be the first player in all star game history to be a healthy scratch lol."
If you've got something for Trending Topics, holla at Lambert on Twitter or via e-mail. He'll even credit you so you get a thousand followers in one day and you'll become the most popular person on the Internet! You can also visit his blog if you're so inclined.