(Ed. Note: There’s entirely too much sunshine in the summer. So your friends at Puck Daddy are offering a month of thrown shade and perpetual gloom. Behold, our Summer of Disappointment series, in which we ask fans of all 30 teams to recall the biggest bummer moments, teams and players in franchise history! Please wade into their misery like a freezing resort pool, and add your own choices in the comments!)
Written by Barbie4Yotes from Five For Howling
Most Disappointing Team: 2006-2007 Team Formerly Known As The Phoenix Coyotes
Racking up only 67 points and landing one point up from the bottom of the league, while missing the playoffs for the fourth straight season, earns this group of dusters Barbie's "Best Of The Worst" award.
The product on the ice that season contributed to a 17 percent drop in attendance the next season. The cachet of having the Great One as the coach had worn off and fans started to demand better results.
I still have a program from the 2006-07 season, and if you look closely at the cover you can see where I used it to smack myself repeatedly in the forehead at a game.
Most Disappointing Coyote: Kyle Turris
Barely weaned off his double blade skates, a young Turris staged a tiny temper tantrum and became a hold out at the ripe old age of twenty-two. Child Turris simply retreated to his room, (which I think was at Don Maloney's house) and held his breath in an effort to gain more ice time.
Coach Tippett shipped him off to Ottawa where he's grown up and finally lived up to the potential he possessed when he was drafted third-overall by the Coyotes.
Most Disappointing Moment in Coyotes History: Bankruptcy, natch.
My therapist says I'm not supposed to talk about the Coyotes bankruptcy and subsequent search for a "real owner." I'm supposed to think about butterflies and rainbows and stick pins in my Jerry Moyes voodoo doll.
The crazy thing is that Moyes continues to screw NHL teams with his Swift Charter Airlines. One season, his airline callously left the St. Louis Blues stranded in an airport with the impending threat of starvation as food ran out.*
*The Blues took a vote and chose to eat Kelly Chase first.
Most Disappointing Coyotes Transaction: Mike Ribeiro
Ribeiro came to Phoenix with the expectation that he would be the first line center. But as the early season unfolded, Ribz appeared to be struggling to find his game and was busted down line by line until he finally found a comfy spot as team janitor. If Ribeiro had concentrated on hitting the net instead of hitting...well...let's just say that I wish he could've kept his head together and been the feed to Vrbata that we all expected.
Most Disappointing Coyotes Coach/Executive: Rhymes with Dane Schmetzky
I'll probably never work in hockey again for this but sometimes a great player is a less than stellar coach. Aaaaand my buddy just leaned over and reminded me that I don't, in fact, work in hockey.
So, here's the thing...Schmetzky shouldn't have been named coach and the roster that he and Barnett assembled was below average and full of players that underperformed and suffered from injuries.
Remember that season when Curtis Joseph played 55 games and won only 18? Well, I do.
Sorry, Schmetzky. But at least you have all those cool hockey records and a smoking hot daughter.
Most Disappointing Coyotes Fashion Choice: Phoenix Coyotes 1998-2003 third jersey
This jersey is best remembered for featuring the disembodied head of a confused dog that hovers over a cactus laden desert landscape straight out of a Road Runner cartoon. After all, nothing says ice hockey like a dry, hot, nearly barren desert landscape.
But don't take my word for it, John van der Woude of Hockey by Design wrote a fantastic fashion piece for Five For Howling.
Barbie4Yotes is a semi-retired comedy writer and a Coyotes Super Fan. Follow her on Twitter here.
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Other disappointments (in order of appearance): New York Rangers • Calgary Flames • St. Louis Blues • New York Islanders • Dallas Stars • Boston Bruins • Colorado Avalanche • Washington Capitals • Ottawa Senators • Minnesota Wild • Edmonton Oilers • San Jose Sharks • Winnipeg Jets • New Jersey Devils • Los Angeles Kings • Florida Panthers • Carolina Hurricanes • Buffalo Sabres • Montreal Canadiens • Tampa Bay Lightning • Chicago Blackhawks • Columbus Blue Jackets • Nashville Predators • Detroit Red Wings • Anaheim Ducks • Philadelphia Flyers • Pittsburgh Penguins • Vancouver Canucks • Toronto Maple Leafs