Pass or Fail: Is Forest Face the creepiest thing the NHL has ever tried to sell us?

Shop NHL has featured its share of oddities for the hockey buying public. The $325 bedazzled purse. The "no, seriously, this isn't a bong" drinking tubes. That Rastafarian puckhead thing for the Winter Classic.

But few items can claim to be as creep-tastic as this:

No, they're not part of a hockey-centric knock-off of Mr. Potato Head. No, they're not spare parts grown from clones to extend the lives of aging fan bases. No, this isn't the world's freakiest ice cream cake.

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This is a face you put on a tree. To make a tree into a Detroit Red Wings or Pittsburgh Penguins fan.

No, seriously, that's what this is. A face. For a tree.

This is called "Forest Face." It's created by Team Sports America, and presumably Satan's Magic Top Shop. Here's a description:

The officially licensed Forest Face is sure to be a hit with the fans. Made of weather resistant resin and measuring 12 inch x 7 inch, each forest face wears the team's cap with official team logo. Each piece of the Forest Face comes with a durable hook to make hanging easy. Pick up a few for your trees today.

Mercifully, Shop NHL only has four NHL teams represented: The Wings, Penguins, Philadelphia Flyers and Chicago Blackhawks. Team Sports America also has the Boston Bruins listed on its website.


(Please note that the Minnesota Wild, the only NHL team to feature actual trees on its logo, does not have a Forest Face. Then again, neither do the Leafs.)

Team Sports America appears to mostly carry NCAA-inspired Forest Faces, and the Michigan one here gives you an idea of how these things look when applied to bark. Think of the Ents from "Lord of the Rings" if they were in your graduating class at Michigan and were constantly stoned ...

These suckers retail for $29.99, which is a small price to pay for a lifetime of therapy once you start having conversations about the second power play unit with a sequoia.

It's also a mere pittance when you consider all of the other neat places you can hang your Forest Face besides the forest.


Like, for example, on a pile of triceratops dung on Isla Nublar.

Chaos theory strikes again! With that:

Pass or Fail: The NHL tree-decorating Forest Face from Team Sports America.

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