Let’s just get it out of the way: Jonathan Toews is a Leonardo.
There’s really no discussion on this. He’s a leader. He’s confident and calm. He’s the one who manages his hot-headed partner. We’re also convinced he’s handy with Katana blades.
On Tuesday, we presented you with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle proxies for the NHL’s Eastern Conference. Now it’s time for the Western Conference.
To reset the personality types:
Leonardo (blue mask): The measured, valiant leader of the group. Strong and fearless.
Donatello (purple mask): The scientist who prefers to use intellect rather than his bo staff to solve conflicts. A bit shy.
Michelangelo (orange mask): The pizza-gobbling free spirit of the group whose “Cowabunga” launched a million T-shirts.
Raphael (red mask): The temperamental bad boy of the group. And he speaks with a New York accent!
We asked the Puck Daddy readership to check in with their choices for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles proxies for all 30 NHL teams. Here are the Western Conference choices for hockey heroes on a half shell.
Leonardo: Jonathan Towes because he's the leader.
Donatello: Patrick Sharp because he's undervalued.
Michelangelo: Patrick Kane because he's silly and a showboat.
Raphael: Marian Hossa because he's smart and has a long stick
- Paul Vogl
Leonardo: The leader/captain Jonathan Toews.
Donatello: The inventor, and quiet genius, Marian Hossa.
Michaelangelo: The party animal… Patrick Kane.
Raphael: The no-nonsense, dude with the 'tude Ray Emery.
Casey Jones: Michael Hanzdus-Former ally, left for awhile to pursue other things, now is currently back with the team to fight for another Cup
April: Any Ice-Girl
Shredder: Alain Vigneault
- Justin Dal Corobbo
Columbus Blue Jackets
Leonardo: Vinny Prospal - He's old and has been the de facto captain ever since Nash requested a trade.
Donatello: Sergei Bobrovsky - Had to mention him somewhere. He's a smart goaltender who makes saves based a lot on positional play as opposed to Hasek-like acrobatics
Michelangelo: Artem Anisimov - He's struck me as a bit of a fun lover ever since last year's 24/7 and always seems very lighthearted and has some of the best cellys in the league.
Raphael: Jared Boll - Would've been Dorsett prior to the trade deadline, but Jared Boll can be a bit of a hothead and is never afraid of a fight, even against guys twice his size.
- Mark Fairholm
Leonardo: Vinny Prospal. Measured, valiant leader? Check. Superb pointer finger? Check. Strong and fearless at age 38? Check.
Donatello: Marian Gaborik. Mad scientist with his stick. Does not engage physically, unless necessary. Unspoken best player of the group.
Michelangelo: Jack Johnson. Really...who can't see this guy as the unspoken heart and soul of just having fun and kicking ass?
Raphael: Jared Boll. Few tough guys in the NHL willingly fight him anymore. Especially after an off-season of working with MMA coaches.
Extra: Splinter... Jarmo. The new trade ninja. Dude knows what he is doing.
- Kevin Saarie
Detroit Red Wings
Leonardo: Leo is the leader so we have to go with Henrik Zetterberg although with the constant hair on his face he may be a master splinter nominee as well.
Donatello: The easiest of the four is Pavel Datsyuk as Donatello, the scientist and inventor
Michaelangelo: Michelangelo laid back surfer dude purely on looks would be Valteri Filpula.
Raphael: Raphael is the bad boy of the group. This is probably a toss up between Todd Bertuzzi and Jordin Tootoo but Tootoo gets the edge due to the fact he is actually playing. Bertuzzi as Shredder?
- Chris Breuker
Leonardo: Henrik Zetterberg. He's a natural leader, calm and collected.
Donatello: Pavel Datsyuk. He's a genius, possibly the smartest hockey player out there.
Michaelangelo: Dan Cleary. He's a bit of a goof sometimes but can come through in the clutch.
Raphael: Todd Bertuzzi. He's tough and sometimes a bit surly but he's loyal to his teammates.
Leonardo - David Legwand: old, experienced, fearless; the most veteran leader
Donatello - Colin Wilson: quiet and disciplined; talented; thinks his way around
Michelangelo - Paul Gaustad: easy-going; comic relief; at his best when it matters most
Raphael - Rich Clune: the team's bad boy; aggressive and quick to throw-down; sarcastic; loyal
- Tyler Pennington
St. Louis Blues
Leonardo: David Backes (Captain America, enough said).
Donatello: Jaden Schwartz (Least violent, hockey smarts off the charts, much like how Donatello uses his knowledge to solve conflicts).
Michelangelo: Kevin Shattenkirk (too easy).
Raphael: Vladimir Sobotka (under-appreaciated, but very gritty and aggressive).
- Patrick Spinner
Leonardo: David Backes, leader
Donatello: Alex Pietrangelo, brains
Michelangelo: TJ Oshie, jokester
Raphael: David Perron, headcase
April O'Neal: Roman Polak
Splinter: Coach Ken Hitchcock
Shredder: Barret Jackman
Footclan: everybody else
- Joe Miller
Leonardo; This is a title that would have been given to a certain #12 until a month ago, but now it falls to a reluctant Michael Cammalleri. Standing at what can generously be described as "5-9", Cammalleri still shows the tenacious and fearless leadership reminiscent of the leader of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. That is until he gets pulled off the bench mid-game in January 2014 to abandon the sinking ship of the Calgary Flames, when he will get traded to the Dallas Stars to help them to a 9th place finish in the Western Conference.
Donatello: Just as this turtle possesses the unique skill of technical aptitude, Miikka Kiprusoff possesses the unique skill of being the only one in the locker room who can do the splits while a cigarette hangs out of his mouth. His ability to make James Reimer feel as if he is about to lose his job with only the use of a cell phone call to Dave Nonis rivals Donatello's knowledge of high-tech machinery.
Raphael: Often described as "aggressive" and "emotional", much like the Flames' resident enforcer Tim Jackman. Just as Raphael can use his anger and crazed nature to somehow slay enemies in combat, Tim Jackman is well known for using his "grit" and "sandpaper" to somehow earn Power-play time on Brent Sutter-coached teams.
Michelangelo: Seen as the younger, fun-loving member of the squad- much like Mikael Backlund. On a team that does not contain many entertaining players on Twitter, his relatively active Twitter account provides the same change-of-pace that Michelangelo's comic relief does. Michelangelo is known for coining such popular phrases as "Cowabunga!". Mikael Backlund is known for coining such popular phrases as "Whaddaya mean Brian McGrattan is one of my wingers?!"
Bonus: The role of Splinter is laid upon the portly leader of the Flames organization, Mr. Jay Feaster. Splinter is, of course, a rat. Feaster has been the metaphorical rat picking away at the corpse of fleeting Flames success from 2004, attempting to capitalize on any little bit of meat left on the bones from the last time this team won a playoff round. Oh, and speaking of meat... Jay Feaster fat joke.
- Scott Denoon
Leonardo: Matt Duchene - The true leader of the group, proficient in all forms of "combat", takes the serious approach.
Donatello: Ryan O'Reilly - Groomed by his father Brian O'Reilly, Ryan prefers to use his knowledge to solve conflicts (and contract disputes).
Michelangelo: Gabriel Landeskog - Young Captain with an easy-going personality and positive outlook.
Raphael: Steve Downie - The team's bad boy, he has an aggressive nature and seldom hesitates to throw the first punch.
Splinter: Jean-Sebastian Giguere - The rat of the bunch, also an adoptive father teaching his children the ways of the hockey player. No Vegas.
- Jonathan Cable
Leonardo: Shawn Horcoff. Wisdom of an old-pro, leads the way and gets the others to follow.
Donatello: Jordan Eberle. He just thinks and thinks, makes something out of nothing, and is good with his hands.
Raphael: Taylor Hall. Comes across as an a-hole, but is just doing what he’s doing because he wants to help the team. If you cross him, he will hurt you.
Michelangelo: Nail Yakupov. Young, spunky, zest for the game. Seems like a party dude too!
The foot clan – Made up of dozens of Eric Belangers. Can only do one thing, and no matter how many of them you have, it will do no good. Just absolutely terrible and make no contributions whatsoever, you’d think you’d be better off without them anywhere, and you’d be right.
- Jake DesRoches
Leonardo: Taylor Hall, the natural leader.
Donatello: Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, he's the quiet one, his hockey IQ is rivaled only by Donatello's Bo Staff IQ.
Michelangelo: Jordan Eberle, he's easy going and everyone's favourite.
Raphael: Nail Yakupov, he's somewhat mysterious and prone to emotional extreme.
- Matt Sletto
Leonardo: Zach Parise
Donatello: Miikko Koivu
Michelangelo: Cal Clutterbuck
Raphael: Zenon Konopka
- Justin Day
Leonardo: Zach Parise - Could have the 'C' on his sweater and definitely is the most well spoken on the team. Great leader, doesn't have the mean streak of Koivu.
Donatello: Jared Spurgeon - Only reason this guy is in the league is because what is between those two ears.
Michelangelo: Neck and neck between Cal Clutterbuck and Zenon Kenopka. Kenopka is almost too smart, but he is a goofball. I'd go with Clutterbuck, I mean take a gander at that mustache.
Raphael: Mikko Koivu - ask Michael Russo about his Surliness
- Chris Sigurdson
Leonardo: Henrik Sedin, leader of the pack, need I say more?
Donatello: Gonna go out on a limb and say Chris Higgins or Dan Hamhuis. They both step on the ice and are methodical with their work on offense or defense and just get the job done.
Michelangelo: Ryan Kesler for the Kesler bombs or Kevin Bieksa for fooling that reporter into thinking he was Kesler
Raphael: Max Lapierre, I think this is a no-brainer, the instigator/hot head.
- Tom Le
Leonardo: Unlike the Turtles, the Canucks aren’t led by Leonardo. They’re led by twin Donatellos. That said, the Sedins are basically inimitable aliens. I think most of us would agree that Ryan Kesler is the team’s spiritual leader, the one who leads by example. So let’s call him Leonardo.
Donatello: A player that prefers the cerebral over the physical? You just described a Sedin, my friend. I’m going to cheat and say that both Daniel and Henrik are Donatello, since they’re effectively the same person, as Daniel’s 905th NHL game demonstrated for us on Monday.
Michelangelo: Onto the wild child, and this one’s a toss-up. On one hand, Zack Kassian is beginning to get a bit of a reputation for his partying ways, and he’s certainly a free spirit. He’s weird as all Hell. But I think I’ll give this to Bieksa, who’s the quippiest interview and the most likely to spawn a catchphrase. Not to mention I think anybody who watches his game knows that he’s a bit unpredictable. We’ll give him the nod, although I suspect this is the one that will cause the most debate.
Raphael: And finally, Raphael. Now, Alex Burrows isn’t really a “bad boy”, per se. But he’s far and away the most likely to get in trouble. He’s the most antagonistic guy on the Canucks, and the one that always seems to be in the thick of things. Plus did someone say “accent”? Because Burrows’ accent is so thick, he could spread it on toast.
Leonardo: Teemu Selanne (obviously)
Donatello: Jonas Hiller
Michelangelo: Ryan Getzlaf
Raphael: Corey Perry
Splinter: Scotty Nieds
Casey Jones: Bobby Ryan
- Jen Neale
Leonardo: Stephane Robidas as Leonardo, the "leader"
Donatello: Loui Eriksson as Donatello, the genius!
Michelangelo: Vern Fiddler as Michelangelo, the "free-spirit" (see: The Bieksa)
Raphael: Antoine Roussel as Raphael, the bad boy
Los Angeles Kings
Leonardo: Dustin Brown is Leonardo because he's the absolute leader that nobody can absolutely love. His constant tendency to seem divey and/or fall down reminds me of Leonardo's super-obnoxious need to teach me a lesson EVERY FIVE MINUTES... but still, he's the leader.
Donatello: Jeff Carter would be Donatello because he's got the pinpoint wrister accuracy that only a semi-geek would have because he practiced. Plus he looks kinda Canadienerdish.
Michelangelo: Dustin Penner is Michelangelo because he's got to be the Michelangelo of the Western Conference, if not the whole league. Most likely to say, "Cowabunga, Dude!" Plus, his bank shot empty net goal from last year shows his uncanny knack for party puck skills. Also, his twitter feed. Done.
Raphael: Jonathan Quick would be Raphael because the dude gets NUTS when he doesn't play well or has something go against him. Plus, he's too brash for his own good chasing pucks/pizza the way he does.
Anze Kopitar as Splinter. Veteran, been there forever, speaks with an accent.
Drew Doughty as Casey Jones. Sometimes he's there taking big swings with his stick... other times he's absolutely nowhere to be found.
- Joseph Isaac
Leonardo: Jeff Carter
Donatello: Anze Kopitar
Michelangelo: Dustin Penner
Raphael: Dustin Brown
Casey Jones: Jonathan Quick
- Paul Gofberg
San Jose Sharks
Leonardo: Leo is a brave, highly skilled leader who has the least personality of any of the turtles. Boringly does the right thing every time. That's Marleau, the Sharks former captain is extremely good at what he does, but as soon as he opens his mouth you fall asleep.
Donatello: The scientist of the group, often relying on gadgets? Well, look no further than Brent Burns and his robot sex pants.
Michelangelo: The goofy oddball of the group. I think that title goes to Couture. His random love of Bieber and other random crap from pop culture combined with that goofy smile cements his spot.
Raphael: Highly skilled loner with a temper. Now that the obvious and certifiably psychotic Ryane Clowe has moved on, that leaves Dan Boyle. Boyle has the most skill on the team and the temper to match. Often even tries to win games all on his own
- David McGuire
Leonardo: Shane Doan, duh. More applicable when you think about the love/hate relationship Leo has.
Donatello: Oliver Ekman Larsson. Seems to be the smartest of our crew and is pretty good with a stick.
Michelangelo: Biznasty. Partier. Best when he is delivering one liners. Constantly has to justify why he is part of the team.
Raphael: Mike Smith. Cool but rude. Likes to stray from home and get blindsided from unsuspecting hordes of Foot soldiers.
- Shaun Guhy
Leonardo: Shane Doan. (duh) Doesn't really need any explanation
Donatello: Mikkel Boedker: He's smart. He's polite. He writes the blogs. So what if he can't find Phoenix on the weather map...
Michelangelo: Biz *IS* Michelangelo. 'nuff said.
Raphael: This has to be Mike Smith. Temperamental? Check. Attitude? Check. And if you poke him HE WILL TAKE YOUR STICK AND FREAKING BREAK IT IN FRONT OF YOU.