Can we just take a moment to curse the NHL schedule maker? That damned computer program generated a schedule giving us just one game last week involving the league’s leading scorer, Sidney Crosby. How is this possible? How is this just? I demand a recount!
Oh sure, this non-sentient being couldn’t know ahead of time (or ever) that Crosby would be leading the league at this point. In fact, history would suggest Crosby would probably be injured by now. (Is it possible this was factored in?) But that doesn’t change the fact that Crosby owners got screwed this week by the damned schedule!
If you lost the week because Crosby only played one game your team probably sucks but you’ll also need someone to blame. Since it would be illogical to blame the schedule-making computer program that caused this mess, I suggest blaming Gary Bettman. When in doubt, always blame Bettman.
Martin St. Louis – RW – 100% Owned
So St. Louis scored four goals on Saturday afternoon. Apparently that wasn’t enough though. Unbelievably, the Lightning somehow blew that game, making them the only team to receive four goals or more from one player since the Lockout (no, the other lockout) and lose the game. Hopefully you made better use of St. Louis’ contributions, especially since he managed to skate four other games and got a point in each of them.
Andrej Meszaros – D – 5% Owned
Y’all know me, still the same old D, but I been low key.
Jonathan Quick – G – 100% Owned
Unfortunately for fantasy owners Quick was this close to a 3-0 week. How many leagues was this goal decisive in? Enough to incite a riot? Enough to cause a brief Internet tremor? Enough to make me toss my laptop across the room?
Oh, just the latter? Fair enough then.
You can probably already guess that I’m blaming Bettman for this. Sure, I could blame Niklas Kronwall for taking the shot, Quick for being unaware, any of the four officials for being blind/incompetent but no, I’m taking this to the top. It’s your fault, Gary!
David Legwand – C – 11% Owned
Every week a new Nashville forward takes the reins of the offense before up and vanishing like a fart in the wind. This week it was Legwand’s turn. Next week, who knows? But I encourage you to make a game of this trying to pick up a decidedly cold Predators forward on a whim and seeing if he can rattle off an MVP-like week for you. I’ve got my eyes on Matt Cullen. He seems due.
Honorable Mentions: Marian Hossa, Joe Pavelski, Henrik Lundqvist, Ryane Clowe, Blake Wheeler, Calvin de Haan, Darcy Kuemper, Ondrej Pavelec, Wayne Simmonds, Patrice Bergeron, Jacob Trouba, T.J. Oshie, Sergei Bobrovsky, Jack Johnson, Scott Hartnell, Brad Marchand, Tyler Johnson, Corey Perry, Ryan Getzlaf.
The LVP (Least Valuable Player)
Devan Dubnyk – G – 39% Owned
I wonder how many among you saw his mid-week trade to Nashville and thought it might be a good idea to acquire Dubnyk thinking that a new situation might be good for him…
Wrong! He was equally as awful in Nashville as he was in Edmonton. Granted it’s been one game, which is hardly a fair sample but if the shoe fits…
On a side note – as misguided as the acquisition of Dubnyk may have been it may also indicate that Pekka Rinne’s hip is worse than we know.
Not Last but Certainly Least
Patrick Kane – RW – 100% Owned
If you are a fan of arbitrary start/end points then you’ll love this – Kane has just three points in nine games in 2014 after scoring 109 points in 89 games in 2013. I guess this just isn’t his year… Or it’s just a cold streak. Either way, fantasy owners have not enjoyed the flip of the calendar all that much. Perhaps the Kane owner in your league has a “what have you done for me lately?” attitude, prime to be taken advantage of.
Craig Anderson – G – 89% Owned
The fantasy arsonist strikes again! Sometimes a goalie can’t help it. Other times, well…
Daniel Sedin – LW – 100% Owned
It was tempting to put both of the twins in here. After all, they are damn near inseparable. But as John Tortorella proved, you can split these two up. So Daniel gets the honor in this one by virtue of his 1% edge in ownership over the non-unanimously owned Henrik. Congratulations Daniel! You screwed over 1% more people this week!
Dis-Honorable Mentions: Justin Williams, Ben Scrivens, Kellan Lain’s two second NHL career, Nicklas Backstrom, Nail Yakupov, Mike Ribeiro, Jarome Iginla, Chris Kunitz, Jeff Skinner, Jay Bouwmeester, Henrik Sedin, Steve Mason.
Steve Laidlaw is an associate editor at DobberHockey. You can follow him on Twitter @SteveLaidlaw.