Aaron Voros's time with the Rangers was mostly unmemorable. After signing a three-year- $3 million deal to go to New York, he played 54 games in his first season, scoring eight goals, then played just 41 games in his second, scoring thrice. In June of 2010, he was traded to the Anaheim Ducks, where he wound up with their AHL affiliate, never made it back to the bigs, and was effectively forgotten.
Except by Lindsay Lohan.
Well, sort of. She remembered his first name and the team he played for. Close enough. (Lohan is like an elephant. She never forgets. Also she uses her nose a lot.)
Last week, InTouch Weekly revealed parts of a list of notables with whom Lindsay Lohan has done grown-up stuff, let's say, a list allegedly scrawled by Lohan on a piece of paper at the Beverly Hills Hotel in 2013. According to InTouch, who's very in the know about celebrity sex lists, Lohan apparently compiled this list to impress her friends (and possibly to corroborate James Franco's admission from This Is The End), and then she left it behind, because who cares who someone has slept with?
The answer is everyone, especially when you're Lindsay Lohan, who is followed by horrible, moronic bottom-feeders at pretty much all times. Thus, it's no surprise that the list was scooped up and passed to a gossip magazine, presumably after InTouch paid money for it, which is ridiculous and hilarious and sad. Then InTouch proceeded to drag out the breaking of this major, major scoop -- that Lohan occasionally has consensual sex with people, can you believe it, oh my god, wow -- over several weeks, blurring the names and only unblurring a few at a time.
On Wednesday, InTouch revealed more people Lohan claims to have done sex to (ooooooh juicy!), including: "Aaron (Rngers)".
For a brief moment, people assumed "AARON (RNGRS)" was Lohan's feeble attempt at spelling "Aaron Rodgers", which would make some sense, since "Zack Effron" could probably tell you that spelling isn't her thing. But no. It's the Aaron Voros, formerly of the Rangers.
Aaron Voros. So fetch.
When would this have happened? We'll say some time late in the 2009-10 season, when Voros was still with the Rangers, and PageSix reported this little piece of gossip:
Lindsay Lohan started another fight in a club — this time with New York Ranger skaters Aaron Voros and Sean Avery at 1Oak. The troubled starlet threw a drink over Voros’ model girlfriend, Jessica Stam, and then tried to get all three thrown out of the Wildfox fall-collection party the other night. A spy relates, “Lindsay threw a fit because she wanted to be at their table near the DJ. But she claimed she didn’t want to sit with Aaron and said, ‘He’s my ex-boyfriend. I don’t want him anywhere near me.’ Voros denied knowing her. A drink then flew in Jessica’s face, and Lindsay demanded their table be moved out. Club bosses refused and tried to calm her down. Stam, Voros and Avery were shocked but didn’t retaliate, and Lindsay left shortly afterward.” We await Lohan’s inevitable denial, but we have multiple witnesses. A different source said “Lindsay threw a fit. There was total drama for absolutely no reason.”
Total drama for absolutely no reason, said a source, of the time Voros denied knowing a woman that would later scribble his name on a list of conquests, right between Fez from "That 70s Show" and "B. Del Torro", who we can only assume is some sort of Benicio Del Toro impersonator. That seems like a reason for drama. Not only did Voros know her -- according to this list, he knew her. IN THE BIBLICAL SENSE.
Anyway. Lindsay Lohan and Aaron Voros probably had sex. Take a moment to process this life-changing information. Breathe. Sit down if you need to. Try to understand.
We eagerly await the final instalment in this very important list. Fingers crossed another member of the 09-10 Rangers makes an appearance. Matt Zaba? Corey Locke? OMG Dane Byers, maybe?
Looking at the list again, it should also be mentioned that while John Tortorella was coaching the Rangers in 2010, he's never gone by the nickname "Nico", as far as we know. Nico Tortorella is an actor, known best for his role in Scream 4, so his inclusion here pokes a hole in the theory that this is a list of "celebrity" hookups.
Granted, so does Aaron Voros. Nobody has ever written as many words about him as I just did.