Jersey Fouls is our ongoing exploration of the rules and etiquette for proper hockey jersey creation and exhibition. If you spot what you think may be a foul in your arena, email a photo to us at email@example.com for inclusion in future installment.
Via reader Jenni comes this bro-tastic bro-dacious Jersey Bro, bro:
Seen at a Charlotte Checkers game, this guy was REALLY proud of his "BROVECHKIN" jersey, and asked me to take a picture of him (and the Nutcracker) with his own camera as well.
I can assure you, the Checkers were NOT playing the AHL affiliate of the Capitals... so that too, is a foul, in my opinion!
Your opinion is correct. This is a Russian nesting doll of Fouls.
(Also, it speaks to the power of the Foul that we didn’t even notice the albino cousin of Cookie Puss holding a bag of peanuts next to him.)
We were curious if “Brovechkin” was an actual thing, and not just Mike Green’s daily greeting to his captain. We discovered it has an Urban Dictionary entry:
“a bro who has dirty swag.”
That bro should probably find a Laundromat.
Anyhoo, there’s also “Brovechkin” gear available on sites like Bros Like These Shirts, in case you absolutely have the need to call attention to what a wide bro-cabulary you have. Vomit.
(Coming Up: A George Parros mustache Foul; a hideous Tampa sweater; Toronto Maple Leafs Tribute jersey; Detroit Red Wings hate Frankenjersey; another Caps Foul; Revisionist Sweaters; and a rather crude ‘69’ jersey.)
And here … we … go.
Vincent sends in this rather clever Anaheim Ducks Jersey Foul, as a fan simply placed a George Parros mustache where his nameplate would go.
This is actually a new category for us: The Symbolic Name Jersey.
We’re not sure whether to Pass of Fail it, to be honest, because it borders on being a Tribute Jersey to a beloved player. And we’re interested in seeing other symbols used for NHL players. Like a loaded slice of pizza for Brodeur. Or a severed head for Raffi Torres…
Via Habermac, this Chicago Blackhawks’ FrankenJersey is really atrocious, from the spacing of the words to the fact that it incorporates the black sweater rather than the Greatest Jersey In The History Of The NHL.
That said, we hope he enjoyed his flatbread grilled chicken sandwich at Wendy’s. A little hard to eat but mighty tasty, that one.
A New Jersey Devils fan cuts to the chase on former captain Zach Parise, and his decision to sign with the Minnesota Wild. Either that or he [expletive] hates Bobby Butler. Via Ron L.
Via Gray Wilcox, here’s a pre-trade deadline Foul from the Dallas Stars:
Ribeiro to Jagr? Points for creativity?
Totally. Turning the ‘63’ into a ‘68’ with tape? DIY goodness, and a nice Dead To Me Sweater as well.
Via Chris Gonsalves, this Toronto Maple Leafs Dead To Me Sweater turns a Luke Schenn relic into a James vanRiemsdyk tribute in a clunky, awkward, phonetically challenged way.
From the Capital of Jersey Fouls, Jesse Hightower writes:
Hate to rat out my own fanbase, but some are getting on my nerves lately for more than one reason.
The worst part about this Karl Alzner/John Carlson FrankenJersey is that the duo is no longer even paired together. They’ll need a “GREENZNER” jersey next season.
As you know, the Tampa Bay Lightning give their season ticket holders the customized jersey of their liking. This has led to some horrible decisions. Like this one, via Alexis Boucher of Sons of Andreychuk:
I was on the plaza before the Bolts/Hurricanes game on 3/16, enjoying a $2 beers when I saw this monstrosity. Her hair blocks it a bit, but the top reads "A Woman Divided". Then vertically has Pouliot 67 and Hedman 77. Blue name plates on the old black jersey. Vertical text. My head nearly exploded.
We can only assume the exploding head was a result of her retinas simultaneously being destroyed at nuclear meltdown temperatures.
These jerseys were worn by Boomer Esiason and his son to the New York Rangers’ Game 2 vs. the Boston Bruins. Before you get all nutty on the Foul stuff here, give a read:
Oops here are the jerseys for game 2 and beyond we'll auction them off at the end of the series for BostonStrong! twitter.com/7BOOMERESIASON…
— Boomer Esiason (@7BOOMERESIASON) May 18, 2013
OK, charity and a worthy cause trump the supreme Foul-ish nature of putting over Boston on a NY sweater.
And finally …
Sigh. Via Kevin:
Check out this beauty of a sweater spotted at the Texas Brahmas v. Missouri Mavericks CHL game in Fort Worth.
Just in case you needed a reminder as to why the ‘69’ jersey is a cancerous lesion on the buttocks of hockey fandom …