Jersey Fouls remain our only regret that the lockout ever ended, as NHL arenas opened their doors to allow obvious and/or moronic wearers of befouled hockey sweaters back into the general fan population.
There were many, many new Fouls we covered in 2013. Here are the best of the worst.
10. Bettman Blows
Reader Susan sent this one from the Tampa Bay Lightning’s home opener, in which a season-ticket holder that normally rocks a Ryan Malone jersey decide to make a statement against the lockout.
9. Super Creative Wild Fans
From reader John, these Minnesota Wild fans presented one for the English major. From John: “Seen leaving Xcel - I get the sophomoric humor of the ‘Dyslexic’ jersey, but the ‘bassackwards’ confuses me since 66 backwards is... 66.”
8. Calgary’s Junk
Via Ryan Batty: “Here is a great foul for an Edmonton Oil Kings vs Calgary Hitmen game at Rexall. This guy was sitting beside someone wearing a ‘Calgary Blows’ jersey (another obvious foul), but this one caught my attention because I couldn't figure out if the apostrophe was a contraction or possessive.”
It’s possessive. And the junk is a vagina. Oh, Edmonton …
7. The ’69’ Sweater of the Year
The ‘69’ Jersey Foul remains the king of all deplorable Fouls. We honor one each season as the greatest example of their vile nature (i.e. the one that honestly made us chuckle, but one we must demonize). Courtney Fathers explains this one:
“Just saw this at the Joe, wish I had a better pic. The guy was moving fast thru the crowd. The number is 69, and the lettering is GODHEROV. Since we've had plenty of Russians in Detroit, the 'OV' threw me off momentarily...and then I pronounced it completely.”
6. The Crosby/Mario Matchup
A stupid mash-up that has as much place in this word as a ‘Jagklin’ jersey.
5. The Crosby Smiter Jersey
The Puck Buddys tweeted this out (via Peter Hassett). It is exactly what you think it is: a Washington Capitals David Steckel jersey and a reference to his concussing (or whatever) Sidney Crosby in the Winter Classic. Pittsburgh and Washington fans continue to debate whether he wore this jersey on purpose or didn’t quite see it in under the lights at night.
4. The Greatest Dainius Zubrus Foul Ever
Granted, this is potentially the only Dainius Zubrus Foul ever, too. But this New Jersey Devils fan wore a Foul that was tweeted and emailed to us a dozen times. It’s brilliantly terrible.
3. Family Feud Foul
Courtesy of Friend of Puck Daddy B.S., a 2013 episode of the Steve Harvey-hosted “Family Feud” featured the Pawlak Family, which eschewed the usual matching sweaters or goofy shirts for New York Rangers replica jerseys – replacing the “RANGERS” across the front with their own family name. Survey says … VOMIT.
Sean Tafoya sent in this Colorado Avalanche Gabriel MANdeskog jersey, which is just bro-tastic in its sleeveless glory.
so named we imagine because Gabriel Landeskog dominates games like a player far beyond his 20 years on this mortal coil.
And finally …
1. 17 Seconds
We had a few “17 Seconds” jerseys from Chicago Blackhawks fans, in honor of their Game 6 victory, but this Foul, snapped by Jason Butler, is on another level as far as Commemoration Jerseys go.
Not only is it a “17 Seconds” jersey, but it features Cup-winning scorer Dave Bolland battling Andrew Ference and Tuukka Rask of the Bruins in a recreation of that historic tally.
Fun fact: This jersey will get you thrown in the Harbor were you to wear it in Boston.