Poor Dustin Penner's been getting it from all sides since he threw out his back while bending over to help himself to a stack of delicious pancakes, and it's easy to see why. The Los Angeles Kings' winger hasn't exactly been lights out since the Kings acquired him last year, and his fitness has been an issue.
Thus, injuring oneself while eating pancakes, and showing no remorse by calling them delicious when disclosing the injury? Not awesome, except to those of us who make a living sharing hilarious, hockey-related things.
But Penner's had enough of the ridicule, and Wednesday evening, he took to MayorsManor to tell his side of the story. The result is a letter that couldn't be more adorable if it were addressed to Santa Claus.
Penner hits the most important topic first, the nutritional value of the infamously injurious pancakes:
Right off the bat, I'd like to clarify a few things.
For example, they were vegetarian pancakes. The injury happened as I was sitting down to eat, not mid-bite. And yes, I did finish them.
I don't think I've ever had carnivore pancakes, but it's good to know they weren't pigs in a blanket, at the very least.
Second, Sudden Onset Back Spams are no laughing matter, you animals.
In case you couldn't tell from the acronym, it is a condition to be wept over. Also, since Penner is clearly their most well-known sufferer, he'll be embracing his new role as the Moses of bad backs:
First and foremost, I think we can agree that having delicious pancakes that your wife made for breakfast, for a 1pm game, is not out of the norm. Secondly, "SOBS" (Sudden Onset Back Spasms) can occur at any moment, doing just about anything you can think of, and is a very serious issue.
Those who have experienced "SOBS," know it is no laughing matter. I'm a little hurt, to tell you the truth, that the plight of my people isn't being taken seriously.
Speaking of Penner's new found fame, it would be foolish if some breakfast chain didn't get on this.
So, I'm hoping to get an endorsement from IHOP or Denny's.
No Perkins? Perkins is where it's at.
And finally, to turn this ordeal into something positive, Penner will be partnering with MayorsManor on a charity initiative:
In an effort to end the entire experience on a high note, I'm partnering with MayorsManor to sponsor a 'Pancakes with Penner' breakfast. In the weeks to come we'll be setting up a special raffle. Fans will be able to purchase tickets for $1.00 for a chance to have a pancake breakfast with me. All the money raised will go to charity...while we enjoy some delicious pancakes!
That's just awesome. You certainly can't say the guy isn't a good sport about things. Kudos to Penner for diffusing the situation without pouring it on thick, and for writing a letter that was cute but not too syrupy.