(Ed. Note: Sorry no headlines. Went to dentist. Ouchy.)
OK, this contest is getting downright sloppy now.
Kyle L.'s tribute to the Phuthbert and ... er, Cavery? ... well, Dion Phaneuf's(notes) and Sean Avery's(notes) dating history kicks off the second gallery in our "Create a Winter Classic Parade Float" competition, in which we asked you to help invent a virtual parade for the NHL's Jan. 1 event between the Philadelphia Flyers and the Boston Bruins.
Our first gallery provided some strong, bar-setting candidates: The Montreal Canadiens-as-Shriners; the Chicago Blackhawks' self-congratulatory press conference float; and the one considered the early leader, Hockeysteve54's Rick DiPietro tribute. As you'll see in a moment, these entries have some stiff, snarky and hilarious competition from the Puck Buddy faithful.
Once more, with feeling: We're asking you to send in your drawings, paintings, Photoshops and any other electronically-submitted visual media that depicts your concept for a Winter Classic parade float; i.e. something that honors hockey players, teams, stories, legends or tabloid fodder.
Prizes are being furnished by Two Eight Nine Design, home of the awesome new Truculence T-shirts, and by The Fourth Period Magazine, the best hockey lifestyle magazine around. Deadline for submissions is Wednesday, Dec. 23 at noon EDT. E-mail contest entries (.jpgs preferred) to firstname.lastname@example.org. Judges are myself, Leahy and a 12-pack of Smithwick's.
Now, behold the glory of Puck Daddy's Create a Winter Classic Parade Float Contest Gallery, Part 2.
And here ... we ... go.
Stephen P. presents a masterful portrait of truculence, as the Toronto Maple Leafs give our parade a fisting.
Oh, did you think becoming the all-time shutout leader in the NHL was going to keep Martin Brodeur(notes) safe from cheap fat jokes? Trevor E. believes otherwise with this Dough Boy version of the New Jersey Devils goalie.
We were wondering when the Zdeno Chara(notes)/ESPN Body Issue meme would creep into this contest. Not only do we get a 9-foot-tall nude Boston Bruins defenseman, we get him a glorious piece of original art. We may actual frame this and hang it in the Puck Daddy offices, next to our photo of George Costanza posing on a couch.
Kudos to Kellan M. for what should be a finalist.
Mazarin has assaulted our inbox (gross!) with several worthy images, and we'll get more in the next gallery. This one, celebrating what we named the worst jersey of the decade by the Canadiens, was pretty ingenious.
We love a solid callback, and what Darren M.'s effort lacks in artistry it makes up for in ridicule, as the Vancouver Province's inexcusable hubris in planning a parade route last spring gets the spotlight.
Once again, we can't help but be impressed by The Pensblog army stepping up with efforts like this, the Stanley Cup Death Mobile. NIEDERMAYER?! DEAD!
Nicely done, mysteriously named 'B'.
Dominika H. explains:
What many people don't realize however, is that Alvin and the Chipmunks is actually based on the life and times of Brian Gionta(notes). So, in honor of the new Chipmunks movie --and all the royalties Gionta will undoubtedly be making from it -- I created a parade balloon!
Our old buddy Sobchak presents the "Intent To Blow" float, along with along with other things that had intent to ... well, you know ... this season. This is what happens when you meet a stranger in the alps.
Now that we ended the previous entry with an obscure Lebowski reference, let's keep things obscure with this float from RockTheRed.net. They explain:
Here is RockTheRed.net's submission for a Winter Classic float. After many, many discussions with Mr. Smithwick's we decided to gather the greatest monikers in hockey history, fitting enough to make even the most modest parade attendee blush! The float is a no-brow collection including: (From left to right) Maxim Fokin, Pokey Reddick, Guido Titzhoff, Alexander Semin(notes), Grant Clitsome(notes), Robin BigSnake, Ron Tugnutt, Cory Pecker(notes), Karl Dykhaus, Luca Cunti, and Ed Dyck. Steve Cockburn and Jonny SanViagra were also sent invitations, but were unable to attend at this time.
Allison presents a beautiful, swan-like tribute to the Chicago Blackhawks' salary situation. Please note the juxtaposition of the hard cap and the flexible ballerinas.
The Minnesota Wild requested that the parade be postponed after their float caught fire, but were denied. Such is life. Stefan rips one from the headlines.
And finally ...
Still not sure how I feel about photoshopping a Stanley Cup out of a man's hands, but I think it was worth it for the joke.
Indeed it was, sir. Indeed it was.