Aw, baby mobiles. Little duckies and horsies and elephants dangling over your infant's crib, as a soft lullaby sends them into a peaceful slumber.
Yeah, that’s how we used to view baby mobiles, but no longer thanks to the Carolina Hurricanes' new commercial.
Try to un-see grown men in hockey uniforms dangling their razor-sharp skate blades over the soft skin of this baby. Try to un-hear the most off-key lullaby since Mama Fratelli tried to calm down Sloth in “The Goonies.”
WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!
From reader Caro, who hipped us to this:
You should really try see the absolutely horrifying advert the Canes have produced for Rex Healthcare. I mean, I already find the whole concept of the US healthcare system terrifying but that certainly isn't helped by seeing Canes players dangling from a mobile over a baby's crib mumbling a lullaby. (Nobody could call what they're doing singing. Nobody.)
Thankfully GameCenter live has gone back to blocking the ads for the second intermission, so I'm hopefully going to be spared any further mental scaring this evening. Though I can rest safe in the knowledge that any trauma I suffer can be treated for free by the NHS.
This commercial debuted as the Hurricanes’ 2013-14 season did. It’s for Rex UNC Health Care, the official healthcare partner of the Hurricanes and a place that apparently engages in bizarre experiments involving miniature Canadians.
The song, for prosperity’s sake:
We will try not/
May the moon’s/
Bring you Stanley Cup dreams/
[Some other line]/
Carolina’s the best.
A barber shop quartet, they are not.
Can’t wait until we revisit this child in 15 years when they claim to have an invisible friend named Tuomo Ruutu that sings them to sleep …