New technology helps you ignore games while attending games

I'm all for making the gameday experience for fans as comfortable and convenient as possible, because for as much as an NFL ticket costs, it feels like each fan should also be provided with their own beer IV and a post-game sensual massage.

But if I could draw a line somewhere, I'd like to draw it right in front of these new Kangaroo devices that Pro Football Talk mentioned yesterday. It's a little thingamajig that will be available to Dolphins fans in premium seats this year, and you can use it to get instant replays, field-level audio, fantasy team alerts, updates from other NFL games, different camera angles, text message boards, video on demand, etc. You can read more about it here.

I don't like it. I don't want one. And I don't want you to have one, either.

Now, you may be asking, "But why, MJD? If you don't want one, that's fine, but why do you want to deprive me of one? I think it sounds nifty!"

That's a fair question, friendly reader, and here's my answer. When I think about the experience of attending a game vs. the experience of watching a game at home or in a bar, here are the two major things I think of: 1) The shared community experience with those around you in the stadium, and 2) Making noise and contributing to a home-field advantage.

And if you're going to spend the game futzing with your Kangaroo, it's not going to be fun for me to sit next to you. If it's third down, and the home team's on defense, I'd enjoy it if you and I could stand up together and shout terrible things about the opposing quarterback's mother. I just don't think it sounds pleasant to sit in a section full of people whose noses are buried in their Kangaroos. I think it would make things less fun for everyone.

There are plenty of updates on out-of-town scores provided on the stadium scoreboards. They give you plenty of instant replays, and everything else you need.

I haven't even mentioned what I consider the worst part. Another feature available, as part of the "different camera angle" experience is the cheerleader cam, where you can watch a camera dedicated exclusively to the cheerleaders. This makes me extremely uncomfortable.

Don't get me wrong; I respect a man's right to ogle cheerleaders. That's what they're there for. But I don't want you to do it while sitting next to me. If you want to sneak an occasional glance at an actual live three-dimensional lady, fine. But you can't sit next to me and stare at a little computer screen featuring jiggling young ladies for hours at a time. No thank you. That will creep me out. There are certain things we can share as a fan, but that's not one of them. That's for private time.