Sunday's five least valuable players: Jake, Jay, Jim Breuer

Eric King(notes), CB, Detroit Lions. Please do not touch Eric King today, as he's probably still very hot from Drew Brees(notes) repeatedly torching him yesterday. King stepped in for the injured Phillip Buchanon(notes), and never has anyone appreciated Phillip Buchanon so much. King was the victim on Drew Brees' first touchdown pass to Marques Colston(notes), looked silly on the bomb to Robert Meachem(notes), and was straight up burnt on the long touchdown by Devery Henderson(notes). Obviously, the Detroit secondary woes go way beyond Eric King, but it still might be a nice gesture for Drew Brees to take his game ball, slice it up, and give half to Eric King. He helped make it possible.

Jake Delhomme(notes), QB, Carolina Panthers. It's rare that I'll be watching a game and I'll just start feeling really bad for a guy. Guys have bad games every week, but Delhomme's game yesterday was just downright painful. It was like watching an oil-covered seal wallowing around on the beach after the Exxon Valdez spill. The poor thing just needed help.

The Pizza Hut franchise. During NFL season, there are commercials that become annoying through sheer repetition. There's not much anyone can do about that. The Jim Breuer/Pizza Hut/Jackpot commercial, though ... it made me want to claw my eyes out the very first time I saw it. If this thing becomes one of the super-repetitive commercials of the '09 season, I promise, I will never buy another Pizza Hut pizza. In fact, I will eat moldy mozzarella cheese out of the hairy belly button of Papa John before even considering ordering another Pizza Hut product. It's that serious.

Jay Cutler(notes), QB, Chicago Bears. Cutler had a sub-.500 completion percentage and was picked off four times. Kyle Orton(notes) actually managed to have a better day. It was a shame, too, because the Bears defense did their job. If Cutler had done his, they'd have come out of Lambeau with a huge, season-opening road win.

Steve Slaton(notes), RB, Houston Texans. A lot of good running backs had disappointing days yesterday, but we'll appoint Slaton as their representative. He had 17 yards on the ground. Knowshon Moreno(notes) had 19, Kevin Smith(notes) had 20, Larry Johnson(notes) had 20, and DeAngelo Williams(notes) had 37.