There are certain things NFL players have in their lives that I don't have. I'm not a millionaire. I'm not famous. I don't drive a Porsche. There will be probably be no groupies lining up outside my door when I finish this blot post.
But you know what? I can also be pretty sure that no one's fecal matter is going to be smeared all over my head today, and I like that about my life. If that's the upside to not being an NFL player, I can accept it.
Redskins tight end Todd Yoder, over at Chris Cooley's other blogging home, tells about some practical jokes that rookies have to deal with in the NFL, and sweet heavens, NFL players can be creative, cruel, foul and disgusting people.
Now for the ugly. These can be hysterical as long as you aren't the recipient of the prank. These definitely cross the line, usually involving bodily fluids, feces, or road kill. I've witnessed feces in a bag, placed in a shoe, the bottom of a locker, and even a guy’s helmet. The player that goes to put on his helmet and finds a bag of ---- on his head is not going to be a happy camper.
I'd have to think that the Department of Health would frown on that. That's just not sanitary.
And then there's this beauty:
The latest in this line of pranks was the placement of someone’s car keys in an empty Gatorade bottle; the bottle was then filled with urine and frozen. Defrosting ---- can be a daunting task just to recover your keys. Not to mention the psychological damage that it has incurred with the thought that every time you start your car you are touching keys that have been immersed in another man's ----.
You sick, sick people.
Less repugnant pranks detailed by Yoder include telling rookies that a grocery store is giving out free turkeys to players on Thanksgiving, and then waiting to see who shows up to claim their free turkey. And then there's the case of the poor guy had the tires taken off his car, his car put up on cement blocks, and the tires moved to his locker. I guess the upside to that is that the guy must have a pretty big locker.