NFL’s oldest cheerleader explains how breast implants divide locker room

Chris Chase
Shutdown Corner

Decaf or regular. Jets or Sharks. Paper or plastic. Pro or college. In a world with many shades of gray, we're often able to split into one of two groups.

The Cincinnati Ben-Gals locker room is no different. According to 43-year-old cheerleader Laura Vikmanis, the squad is divided by those who are real and those who are fake.

She's not talking about personalities.

"The most prominent division on the Ben-Gals is not between the young girls and the older girls but between the Real Boobs and the Fake Boobs," she told the Cincinnati Enquirer while promoting her new memoirs on becoming the oldest cheerleader in the NFL. "This is despite the fact that at any given time, a third of the Real Boobs are considering implants."

[Related: The NFL's most successful cheerleading teams]

That reads like an SAT question. "If half of the 36 Ben-Gals have Fake Boobs and one-third of Ben-Gals with Real Boobs (why is this capitalized?) are considering implants, how many losing seasons are the Bengals currently suffering through?"

Have we made so little progress as a society that the difference between regular chests and enhanced chests can still cause locker room divides amongst cheerleaders on punnily named squads of mediocre football franchises? Cheerleaders of all cup sizes should unite, not put up walls of silicone.

Thanks, Larry Brown Sports

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