Video: The Mustache gives Jeff Fisher super-mystical football powers

Shutdown Corner

There are many things that have given St. Louis Rams head coach Jeff Fisher a leg up through his time in the NFL. As a member of the 1985 Chicago Bears defense (perhaps the best ever), Fisher knows how the game is supposed to be played from a toughness and consistency perspective.

And as the head coach of the Houston Oilers/Tennessee Oilers/Tennessee Titans, Fisher also knows how to keep a team together through a franchise move. Fisher went through a couple of salary cap purges with the Titans, which explains his less-than-amazing 142-120 regular-season record, but there's no doubt the man knows what he's doing with a football team.

Of course, one thing gives Fisher an advantage that many -- through their own lack of awareness -- will never enjoy. For decades now, Fisher has sported the most impressive mustache in the game, and his new team -- the St. Louis Rams -- will honor Fisher's "lower-nose forestry unit" during the team's home opener against the Washington Redskins by handing out Fisher 'Staches to every fan before the game. This will allow Rams fans, who are not used to the competitive advantages of  serious lip-fur, the ultimate opportunity to experience how a proper 'stache can positively impact their lives.

Fisher recently spoke with Dr. Aaron Perlut  of the American Mustache Institute (an organization that has also honored Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers) about just what the 'stache has meant to him throughout his personal and professional life.

[Related: Juggernaut Index No. 3: The Green Bay Packers]

Dr. Perlut brings up the fact that the high mustache quotient of the '85 Bears had them destined for greatness before they hit the field, and Fisher remembers quarterback Jim McMahon's pathetic inability to grow one. Perhaps the most revealing aspect of this interview is Fisher's insights into how mustaches affect the player evaluation process.

"The more mustaches you have [on your team], the better your chances of not only having a winning season, but winning in the playoffs," Fisher said. And who could argue?

When it comes to the Wonderlic test, Fisher knows that there's one sure way to outdo the NFL's longtime standard for player intelligence.

"If a guy's got a mustache, he automatically passes the Wonderlic test with flying colors," Fisher said. "The test has 50 questions, and that's like getting them all right."

Of course, this could also be one possible upside to the current lockout of game officials -- more time for those officials to grow the right kind of facial hair. "You know, when they finally get the officials' thing sorted out, I hope all seven in every crew has one," Fisher said.

Finally, Fisher stumped for a new rule in the process of coaching hires. Similar to the "Rooney Rule," which says that every team must interview one minority candidate in their process, Fisher theorizes that it's about time for the NFL to institute a rule by which all teams would have to interview a mustachioed American as well.

Call it the "Fisher Rule," if it goes through, because it only makes sense. And Fisher should be the Institute's shoo-in for the 2012 Robert Goulet Mustachioed American of the Year award. He's certainly our candidate.

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