So here's an unusual little story: KISS, the multimedia corporate product-spewing behemoth that used to be a rock band, has gone and bought its very own professional football team. In Los Angeles, no less. Sure, it's in the Arena League, but Angelenos can't be choosers these days.
All right, let's get all the jokes out of the way at once. Deep breath:
The team, set to start play next March in Detroit Rock City Los Angeles, will run a nontraditional offense: not the pistol, not the shotgun, the Love Gun. Players will be encouraged to rock and roll all night and party ev-uh-ree day. Following every touchdown, the team will go for a deuce. They'll keep the visitors' locker room hotter than hell. Team physician? Why, Dr. Love, of course.
The team will be dubbed — no, this is not part of the joke — the L.A. KISS. And their helmet designs are going to be amazing (and, no doubt, for sale everywhere at a reasonable price). As incentive, the band will play a private concert for season-ticket holders.
"As a fast-paced, high-action band, this partnership with the AFL was an obvious fit for us," Gene Simmons said in a statement. "With Arena Football, you are much closer to the action - sitting in the front row is like putting a folding chair on the hash mark of an NFL game – and it’s one of the only sports where you can experience this level of intensity. Attending an LA KISS game in 2014 will be similar to a live KISS show, with thrilling, heart-pounding action."
"The whole idea of an alternative to what has perhaps become a corporate sport is very intriguing, and resonates with us," Paul Stanley added. "We've always tried to be a band that relates to everybody, and the AFL is built on that whole premise."
Want in? There's already a website: LA Kiss Football. Get in early!
So, yeah, if we were going to make a list of bands that would purchase a football team, KISS would be at positions one through five. Question for you, then: who's the next musician to buy a pro team? Snoop Lion? Kid Rock? The Bieb? The floor is yours.