It would've been so handy for Jack, Kate, and Sayid if Cleveland Browns rookie linebacker Kaluka Maiava would've been on Oceanic flight 815 with them. Put him in the jungle with some wild boar, and it's not going to end well for the boar. Kaluka likes to stab them.
Maiava, a 5-11, 229-pound native of Hawaii, explained that one of his pastimes is hunting wild boar in the mountains of Maui — without a gun.
“[Mangini] asked me ‘what kind of gun do you use?’ and I said, ‘no, that’s cheating,’” Maiava said at rookie camp Saturday. “Anybody can shoot something. It takes the fun out of it. We grab a couple of dogs and a 9-inch knife and go out and stick ‘em a couple of times.”
Psh. Larry English doesn't even need the knife.
I kid. That's a pretty crazy hobby. And you might be interested in knowing that Maiava isn't the only one in the NFL who enjoys tackling and sticking the piggies. Oddly enough, Eagles backup quarterback Kevin Kolb shares the hobby.
And I know I'm going to regret the hell out of this, but I can't let this post go by without asking ... what's the difference between Kaluka Maiava and Kevin Kolb ramming a knife through a pig, and Michael Vick drowning a dog? Does it make it okay because Maiava eats the pig afterward? Is it okay because Maiava and Kolb didn't make the pigs fight each other first? Is it okay because the pigs aren't cute and cuddly animals that could also double as family pets?
I don't know. I'm not saying I have the answers to these questions. I'm inclined to believe that they're not equal, and that Vick's crimes require a different degree of malice or indifference, but that doesn't mean I'm okay with both practices. I don't know where I stand on this. It certainly can't hurt in the making of a linebacker, though.
But I think the important thing here is this: Please, Cleveland Browns defensive coaches, be really careful when you yell things like, "Now let's go out there and stick 'em!" At least make sure there are no sharp objects around. It's fine for a linebacker to strive to be the next Ray Lewis, but not in every way.