Jared Allen and Ray Edwards played together on the Minnesota Vikings' defensive line from 2008 through 2010, and Edwards benefited enough from the attention given to Allen by every opposing offensive line to go out and get himself a five-year, $30 million contract with the Atlanta Falcons before the 2011 season.
Things haven't worked out quite as expected — the Falcons would certainly like more than two sacks from their marquee defensive end — but when Edwards and Allen faced off in an unexpected battle this season, things almost got a lot worse for Edwards.
Allen, never afraid to mix it up in unglamorous roles when he needs to for the team, was subbing as the Vikings' long-snapper for the injured Cullen Loeffler during the Vikings' 24-14 loss to the Falcons on Nov. 27. On one kick attempt, things got a little dicey … and to be fair, Allen warned Edwards what would happen.
"Ray is obviously a former teammate and friend of mine," Allen told Pro Football Talk on Tuesday. "I told him before the snap that he's known for blowing up the long snapper on the field goal.
"So I told him: 'You run me over here, I'm going to punch you square in your wiener, dude.' We were laughing and joking about it, and he ran me clean over, so I just gave him a little tap, and let him know I could have done it [really hit him hard in the unmentionables] if I wanted to!
"We had a good laugh about it, but there was nothing malicious."
As you can see from this animated GIF, Allen did indeed hit his … uh … mark, and he seemed to ease off for the benefit of his former teammate. We're not quite sure where this ranks on the Ndamukong Suh Illegal-O-Meter, but we do know that hearing one of the NFL's most animalistic defenders talking about punching a former teammate "square in your weiner" is just plain funny, no matter how we'd like to pretend that we've matured beyond that kind of humor.
Truth is, we haven't.