Rob Gronkowski never has won a Super Bowl, but he's now in line for am Emmy.
The New England Patriots tight end appeared on the CW comedy show "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" on Monday, and it was predictably hilarious. Gronk was both the subject of the humor and, as best he could, attempting to ad-lib in skits alongside the cast members. The results were super Gronkish, and we loved every bit of them. (Watch the whole episode here.)
First, the cast plays a game called "Duet" where two of the comedians, Wayne Brady and Jonathan Mangum, ad lib lyrics of a song made up on the spot, and the theme of the song is — naturally — "stadium rock." And the song is all about Gronk. Perfect.
So Brady (no relation to Tom) asks Gronk to tell them something about him that they don't know, and even if the whole thing is more scripted than they let on, it doesn't make it any less great. Gronk says he likes to dance, which the Shutdown Corner already is well-versed in but perhaps the rest of American is just now coming to embrace.
With that, the duet launches into a funny tune with the background music of Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'," and we've gone the extra mile and transcribed the lyrics for you:
Ohhhh, he likes to dance (he likes to dance)
Everybody knows, he cannot pretend
The man can score touchdowns
He gets paid for being a tight end, oh yeah
Look at his front,
look at his caboose
He is a tight end,
But his front is loose
Whoa, he'll make you scream,
Gronk will make you moan
When he grabs the ball
And gets into your end zone
Are you ready?
Here's your chance
Gronk, do it for me, baby
And just dance (just dance)
[GRONK DANCE INTERLUDE]
Go, go, baby, go, go
Now, Gronk, what do you do?
What do you do when he's trying to tackle you?
When he's trying to get you, what do you do?
[GRONK STIFF-ARMS WAYNE BRADY]
He's so strong
You want to see
Get down on your back
And bench-press me! Go on!
That was Part 1. Gronk reemerges, to the delight of the air-breathing world. The skit involves comedian Colin Mochrie operating arms behind Ryan Stiles' back as Stiles interacts with Gronk. It's an old skit that's always a hit on the show, and it involves just the perfect level of lowest-brow humor with which Gronk is an ideal match.
It caps off with Mochrie mixing a concoction of chocolate milk and a Gatorade-like substance, and after a moment's hesitation — maybe he's mentally scanning the league's list of banned substances — Gronk drinks the thing, just like you would back in third grade on a dare.
It's really brilliant stuff, if by brilliant I mean totally ridiculous.
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