Fake Jon Gruden explains Ron Jaworski’s departure from Monday Night Football

Chris Chase
Shutdown Corner

Fake Jon Gruden heard the news about Ron Jaworski's reassignment from "Monday Night Football" and opened up to Shutdown Corner about it. He grabs a three-legged stool, moves it to the center of the room, sits down, spreads his legs wide and takes a deep breath.

Men, I think you know why I've asked you here today. My call-eague, Ronald Vincent Jaworski, decided it was time to go back in the studio and won't be returnin' to "Monday Night Football." The National Football League is a sadder place today.

What can I say about Jaws? Everything. That guy brought it every Monday. I call him "Britannica" because he's like an encyclopedia and once went to London. Let me tell ya, if I studied half as much as that guy, I'd have been like that Jeremy Lin and gone to Harvard or Yale or whatever Ivy League school he went to. He knows everything. Blitz packages, split formations, shotguns, blocking assignments, two gaps, three gaps, stunting, throwing, passing, stool discipline. If it's ever been done on or near a football field, Ron Jaworski knows about it.

I thought I knew all there was to know about football but here I was, learnin' somethin' new every day. Jaws reads all the time and is always pickin' up new things. He's like a sponge, if that sponge wore ladies glasses, had a mustache and was called "Britannica." He's forgotten more about the National Football League in the last 20 minutes than I've ever known.

Some in the press will say that he was blindsided like Colt McCoy. But that's not true. Jaws just wanted to go back in that film vault he loves and watch the tapes. He enjoys breakin' it down so much that I call him Electric Boogaloo. Jaws is the most happy guy in the world when his day consists of watching the coaches tape of the Jaguars-Browns game. (And hitting up nine holes after.) [Guffaws] After watchin' that tape, he could tell you more about how D'Qwell Jackson hits that A-gap than Pat Shurmur could. He knows everything, just like Britannica, this mustachioed sponge I know.

Now it'll be me and Mike Tirico in the booth, just a couple-a guys, watchin' football. We'll miss our pal even though he won't be far away.

In closin', do you know what "Jaworski" means in Polish? Neither do I, but I bet it means "class act."

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