If you're a member of the Miami Dolphins, and you're reading this website right now on your team-issued iPad, then stop it immediately, mister. Yes, we want your page views, but use your own computer. And for that matter, stop looking for pictures of Ryan Tannehill's wife.
It's for your own good, Dolphins. If you are unable to resist Lauren Tannehill or Chris Chase, it's going to cost you $10,000. That's the fine the Dolphins will issue to any miscreant who uses the iPad to look at "unauthorized websites." I trust that Chad Ochocinco has plenty of other devices to suit his unique web-surfing needs.
Say what you want about the old gigantic binders that teams like the Dolphins used to use as playbooks ‒ sure, they're cumbersome, impractical, paper-wasting monstrosities ‒ but they never enabled anyone's habit for porn, Facebook, Twitter or any other Internet time-drain.
But the new technology is a price worth paying, says Davone Bess.
"It's convenient. Every day we were getting stacks and stacks of papers with the installs. Now they can just download them on the iPad and it's there — Bam!"
Added Reggie Bush:
"I love it. It makes it so much simpler, and obviously that's where technology has taken us nowadays. It's amazing, and I'm glad we got it."
It should also help Bush keep track of who Kim Kardashian is dating these days. That is, as long as TMZ isn't considered "unauthorized" by the Dolphins. Come on, guys. If you employ Reggie Bush, you've got to make certain allowances.
I'm excited for the first time a team accuses another team of having hacked into their digital playbook. That's going to be fun.
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