President Barack Obama has intensified his push to get his health care bill passed by the end of March. Your thoughts, NFL person?
"I, too, know what it's like to have to pay for health care for a huge and diverse group of people, so I can relate to Obama on this. Pain in the ass, isn't it, Prez?"
"Oh, man. I know everyone's worried about how we're going to pay for this health care thing, but you should have me sooner. I probably could've gotten the Bears to pay for the whole damn thing."
"Would Obama's new plan recognize 'Unlikable Sulking Suckface' as a real condition that requires medical treatment? Because I'd really like it if Obama's plan covered 'Unlikable Sulking Suckface' as a real condition that required medical medical treatment."
Roger Goodell, NFL Commissioner
"As someone who has fought long and hard to keep financial and medical assistance out of the hands of those who need it, let me say this. If it keeps these people from asking me for help, then I'm all for it."
Idea, obviously, borrowed from The Onion.