"Where's Denard?" Obama asked. "I hear Denard Robinson's in the house. I hear you're coming back, man. That is a good deal for Michigan."
Robinson was indeed present, and Obama had some further words directed toward the QB. "They're trying to draft you for President. He's gotta graduate before he runs for President."
Well, he doesn't have to — George Washington and Abraham Lincoln had almost no formal education whatsoever — but sure, it probably helps. (Denard wouldn't be the first Wolverine All-American to hold the highest office, either, although he would be the first who was elected after surviving a scandal on Twitter.) In the meantime, there's nothing in the Constitution stopping Obama from appointing "Shoelace" his Chief Adviser for Dreadlocks and Casual Footwear. Michigan is a swing state, after all.
And as always, Mr. President, if you're still interested in throwing your weight around on the critical issue of installing a college football playoff, my offer to serve as Playoff Czar still stands.
You can watch the president's entire speech in Ann Arbor here. No word on whether he was interrupted by Mark Dantonio.