College Football Hunger Games: The fight for survival

This is the third post in the College Football Hunger Games series. To read the first click here and to read the second post click here. This is all in good fun during a slow college football offseason.

The College Football Hunger Games march on.

When we last left, 13 coaches remained and they scattered to the seats of Dallas Cowboys Stadium in search of shelter and safety.

As a refresher, the only way to win the College Football Hunger Games is to be the last coach standing. We started with 24 coaches and lost 11 on the first day. More will be lost today.

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A couple alliances have been formed. Lane Kiffin decided to stay with Nick Saban back at the cornucopia at midfield (much to Saban's chagrin), and Bo Pelini, Urban Meyer, Dana Holgorsen and Mark Richt decided to stick together. Steve Spurrier, Les Miles and Mike Gundy formed an alliance when they ran into each other on the concourse and realized they all shared a hatred of Alabama.

Unfortunately, Paul Johnson, who decided to run instead of trying to get supplies from the midfield cornucopia, was poisoned while trying to get liquid out of one of the cooling tubes connected to an ice machine. Bill Snyder and Mike Leach are trying to survive on their own while Chris Petersen has yet to be found, though he was not among the coaches lost during the first day.

Pelini, Meyer, Holgorsen and Richt finally get to a safe place and decide to tally up their supplies. Pelini and Meyer both have snagged weapons and Holgorsen grabbed a six-pack of Coors (that was obviously meant for Spurrier). Richt, however, opens his pack to find that all he has is a Dallas Cowboys stadium blanket. Pelini is not happy and begins yelling and spraying and burning Richt's face with acidic spittle. The pain is so intense that Richt drops to the ground in a heap. Holgorsen and Meyer watch in horror as Pelini grabs a pack and begins to walk off leaving Richt on the ground. Holgorsen and Meyer follow behind staring back at Richt who is no longer moving.


Meanwhile, Spurrier, Miles and Gundy realize their packs aren't nearly as plentiful as they thought and they go out looking for food. Miles offers to gather up some grass from the field, but realizes the turf is artificial. So, the three walk the concourse for an hour until they happen upon a stack of concession candy in the middle of the walkway and a pool of blood next to it. The group figures that someone must have been gathering it before they were taken out. And starving from the events of the day, they rush to the pile and begin to eat.

Only, it's a trap.

Leach had cut off his own hand to form the blood pool. He replaced the hand with a hook he found in a storage shed in the bowels of the stadium and cauterized his wound with a soldering iron (of course he did). Leach, swinging in from the rafters, uses to hook to take out Spurrier and Gundy in one fell swoop. Miles is badly injured but manages to get away.

High in the stands, on the suite level, Bill Snyder is eager to try out the keys he found in Al Golden's pocket after he touched him with the icy cold hand of death during the cornucopia melee. The keys actually open Jerry Jones' private suite and when Snyder walks in there's a bounty of food, water, weapons and Dallas Cowboys swag. Snyder surveys the situation before he moves any closer. He can't decide whether this is a prize or a trap. As he walks forward, Jerry Jones steps out from behind the pile with a sickle looking like the grim reaper. As Bill Snyder prepares for battle the whole stadium suddenly goes black.


Seven coaches are definitely alive — Saban, Kiffin, Pelini, Meyer, Holgorsen and Leach — while Petersen remains missing, Miles and Richt are injured and possibly near the end and Snyder is in limbo. But in a pitch-black stadium at night anything can happen and no one is safe.

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