Unfortunately, Ron Artest will not become Metta World Peace for several more weeks due to the state of California's draconian parking ticket laws. Nevertheless, this wonderful moment will happen eventually. Then the heavens will part and a higher power will smile upon the universe.
Whenever Mr. World Peace returns to the court (or hits the court for the first time? Help me, AP Stylebook!), he'll also have a new number: 70. In an interview with Yahoo! Sports' own Marc Spears, he explained the meaning of the number:
"I'm changing it to 70 because it's like something to do with the universe," Artest said. "Everything kind of repeats itself. The universe is one. It's the same thing. Healthy minds, just keeping the kids positive."
You may laugh at this answer, but it is technically correct. The number 70 does indeed have significance to the universe, and not just because it is a thing that exists in said universe. Earlier Friday, Trey Kerby gestured towards the concept of numerology as it applies to this case and produced a laughably incomplete study. But he did start the important work of divining the meaning of Ron-Ron's decision.
Fear not. Armed with expert analysis from the not-at-all-ridiculous site RidingTheBeast.com, I have deduced the meaning of this number as it applies to the universe and Metta World Peace's role therein. Check it out after the jump.
Let's start with the most basic meanings of 70.
Number corresponding to the totality of an evolution, an evolutionary cycle being completely completed, according to Saint Augustin.
This one fits the Lakers' new era perfectly. Without Phil Jackson, the era of the triangle offense is dead. Will their contender status follow? Only the Lord above knows.
The corresponding Hebraic letter is hain, which corresponded to the sixteenth mystery of the Tarot: the house-God, symbol of fall, collapse, catastrophe - there is agreement with the idea of termination of cycle, according to R. Allendy.
I don't know who R. Allendy is, but he must be a Lakers fan. As every NBA fan knows, Kobe Bryant is effectively the house-God of Los Angeles. If he loses favor with Artest, the cycle of championship contention may end.
There are also several correspondences with the Bible. Here's but a sampling.
Jacob has fathered 70 children. (Ex 1, 5)
Let's just let that one be.
The 70 peoples of the earth dispersed after the sacrilegious construction of the tower of Babel, fault that falls down on the whole humanity. (Gn 10)
Obviously Artest's regular nonsense talk is some kind of attempt to unite the world under one language.
Various other cultures and world facts have correspondences with 70, too.
Mohammed saw to the sky an angel having 70 thousands heads and each head was equipped of 70 thousands mouths. The face of the Almighty was also covered of 70 sails in order that nobody saw Him.
Honestly, I have no idea what that means, but it sounds awesome.
The seas represent 70% of the surface of the Earth.
Ron-Ron, like water, flows naturally and is the building block of life.
There is much more on RidingTheBeast.com. For instance, did you know that Michael Jordan's 23 corresponds to the number of dogmas in the Catholic Church. How did we never nickname him the Papal Bull?