Here's the thing, Kobe Bryant: If you make a kid lay face down on the ground and scream at him because you're "motivating him to finish his push-ups at basketball camp," you're a very committed instructor who really likes these little scamps. But if you make a kid lay face down on the ground and scream at him because "he agrees with you having a lower 'NBA 2K12' rating than LeBron James," you're a monster.
I'm sure it seems like a fine line, but it's actually a very wide and completely reasonable line. You're just sort of a crazy person who wants people to call him "Sarge."
Best caption wins some tough love, Gossett Jr.-style. Good luck.
In our last adventure: Hamed Haddadi has a terrible mustache and is grabbing his crotch. (That was actually Monday's working headline.)
Winner, Tyler: Hamed Haddadi demonstrates how to properly align one's sacral chakra in order to fully focus your chi on defense.
(ED. NOTE: What? It's a real thing. What did YOU think he meant? ... Oh, come on. Get your minds out of the gutter, gang. Can't we just grow up and talk about sacral chakras here? For once?)
Runner-up, Dago: Making a tribute to Michael Jackson — you're doing it wrong.
Second runner-up, Jones6: "In great American movie 'Problem Child,' Problem Child ran to home plate with a bat then slid in and the catcher was all like this. Funny country, that America."