"One thing you have to keep in mind, James — you've got to get your teammates involved, you know? I mean, you're using about 30 percent of your team's possessions and assisting on about 23 percent of your teammates' buckets. Me, on the other hand? I'm using fewer possessions than you are and dropping dimes more often. I just really think that if you got on my level as a facilitator, James, your team would be better off ... something to think about, man." — Kobe Bryant, trolling James Harden and everyone who's watched the NBA for the past decade or so, before dishing 11 helpers against just three turnovers in 35 minutes en route to his 18th career triple-double in the Los Angeles Lakers' 119-108 win over Harden's Houston Rockets on Sunday (probably).
That's my story, anyway. What do you think Kobe and James chatted about pregame? Best caption wins more advice from Kobe, this time on how to stay healthy. Good luck.
In our last adventure: The Miami Heat getting smoked by the Los Angeles Clippers is the kind of thing that gives Erik Spoelstra the ol' pruneface.
Winner, Kenneth: "I have to ask Pat about those botox shots. Something doesn't feel right."
Runner-up, Hold Deez: "Sorry, Pat. I thought you said, 'Call timeout.' I need to get new batteries for this earpiece."
Second runner-up, Atec: Erik Spoelstra looks on, trying not to laugh, as Joel Anthony finally scores after 123,141,231,234 attempts.